Thursday, 31 December 2009

2009 in lyrics

Praying to a god that I don't believe in.
There are times when I'm not okay.
It takes no time to fall in love.
Is it the truth?
Go your own way.
I don't know what's right and what's real anymore.
Not today or tomorrow.
We could have been anything we wanted to be with all the talent we had.
So bury me in memory.
To me, you're a shining light.
If love is a drug, I guess we're all sober.
Force a smile, baby; half dead.
There's no better time than right now.
I'm your sorry ever after.
Your love is like one last breath of salty air.
Through all the devilish things we do.
It's not fair...
How did you know to get out of a world gone mad?
I'm so cold, let me in through your window.
I'll get by without your smile.
Always remember me.
I want my life back.
Nothing to say that matters.
People are puppets held together with string.
I'll follow you until you love me.
I'm not crying, it's just been raining...on my face.
Ain't no reason things are this way.
Sometimes I get so weird, I even freak myself out.
Together we made it.
Kiss yourself goodnight.
Cry and you'll cry all alone.
Your love is lifting me higher.
Time goes by.
It's looking like a beautiful day.
I love the colourful clothes she wears.
On my own, I'm nothing.
I need some inspiration.
It's all your fault.
It's breaking my heart.
What am I trying to say?
Why has it got to be so damn tough?
What a feeling?!
Follow me, don't follow me.
So what if it hurts me?
Should have done something.
Don't let me out of this black hole.
I want your love...
If there's been a fool around, it's got to be me.
Your a picture of the devil's daughter, I'm a pitcher of holy water.
They can't reach up into heaven.
Oh lord, what's the use?

There you have it, my year in lyrics.
Each Monday I write out a line of a song that's really speaking to me for whatever reason and here's the one's I've collected through 2009. i'll do the same for 2010 if you fancy it?

Goodbye 2009, we've shared some good times and some bad times but we came through it together :)

Peace and love for the new year!

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

eyyyyyyyyyyoooooooooooooo eyooooooooooo

Hey there lovelies, my darling dears; sweet and wonderful as you are,
omgosh!! one more sleep until Christmas...unless you have an afternoon nap...then it'll be two sleeps BUT ANYWAY!!! I'm not sure whether or not I'll be writing in the next few days so if I don't get a chance to talk to you again before the 25th then....

oh! and have a gorgeous new year as well. a lovely fresh start to make amends to any of 2009's crap, ja?
2010's gonna be my year...10's my lucky number see. there are a couple things i ought to do and some i really want to and with a brand new 365 days to fill i think i'll be able to :) AND I have a brand new diary to write in, how cool, eh? beautiful clean, ruled pages just awaiting my scrawly script and blotchy ink. and those gosh darned, goodness forsaken profanities of mine. and of course those shallow pages of boy talk and "i love"'s and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah 'n' all that jazz xD ah wells.
I wonder if I'll be this optimistic come the end of the year...or even halfway.
in fact, in prior warning, I shall probably be having my quarter-life breakdown at some point in 2010. I probably will shreik and shout and jump aobut like a loon. BUT things always get better, right? just look at me now. i'm happy. and about 3/4 months ago i really didn't think i would be. BUT I'M HAPPY. oh yes. I'll have an up or down or 2...or twenty...whatever but i'll be fine, mighty fine, fine and dandy by the end of it. :D
okay so i know i've insulted hmv in the past BUT they're customer service is pretty awesome in the christmas hubbub, you know? I got through a mile long queue in about a minute cuz they had all their staff on the tills, so kudos hmv.
ooooooooooooh, you know how travel's been dire cuz of the weather and subsequent road conditions and junk?? well, John Lewis opened up their department store and let stranded travellers sleep in the display beds in their show room, ain't that lovely?? isn't that christmas spirit? i thought it was sweet.
anyways, drink...until satisfied...not until intoxicated, drive carefully...before previous instruction...and erm...enjoy the holiday, ja?
errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm, i've almost finished the first twilight book *i know i'm a feckin slow reader* 'tis alright. you can see why it's been a big commercial success in entertainment but truth be told it's not exactly a literary masterpiece...I have friends who write a million *or more* times better than Stephanie Meyer :S but yeah, it's probably worth a read to just to see what the hype is about really.
geeeeeeeeeeeeeez i'm so glad she's gone >:[
i'm in the library and some horrid girl about my age has been doing naught but swear at her baby brother and call him a "f***ing freak of nature" what an abhorrent character she was. urgh.
I was listening to the same adam and joe podcast on my iPod last night, i couldn't sleep and i couldn't find any music that i wanted to listen to so even though i've listened to it a million times before I still found them funny. i really ought to download some new ones at some point later on, what do you reckon, eh?
anyways...little off topic but just a reminder, have the merriest of christmas's and a truly wonderful new year *don't forget to say "white rabbits" three time before noon on january 1st!!!!*
Peace and love and goodwill to all men xD

Monday, 21 December 2009

rage against X-factor

WHOA!!!!! Rage Against the Machine got christmas number one, ain't that just the funniest thing? now, i'm not exactly a massive fan of theirs but i rather like the song and The Climb, really?! what the hell was simon cowell thinking?! eejit. ow my hands are cold. i wish joe mcCeldrey *can't spell* luck in future stuffs but it really bugs me that x-fator's pretty much guaranteed number one. NOT THIS YEAR BIATCH! dang...really quite cold :S
tee hee hee, summat went down yesterday. happenings happened. deeds were done.

ARRGH!!! still need to go christmas shopping :( i know what i want to get i just hate going shopping when there are so many people bustling about and you get a brolly in the eye and an elbow in the cleavage...lovely. i hate people. soooooooo cold. i have fecking goose bumps!! feckle. feckity. feck. FECK.


hooooooooooooop a loooooooooooooo-ooooooooooooooooop


sheeeeeeeeeeeeevery very very cold

owowowowowowowowouch. charlie. OWWWWWW. that really hurt charlie.

aw dang.

what on earth are you on about now?
frankly i'm not all that certain myself, how's about you?
errrrrrrr, i dunno, i thought that i was going to be narrative and you be subtext....
that does make sense.
so can we do that then?
errrrrr i dunno...what do you think?
i think yeah that might work alright. why?
why what?
i don't know just checking.

I'm off to dance with fallen dust of the stars icing the moon cake in the living room's belly.
ta rah

Peace and love
ps oh the god of tommy!!! amazingphil likes howl's moving castle...i lurv. LOVE. that film :D

Sunday, 20 December 2009

boot to the head

LOUISE's birthdAY hazaaaaaaaaaaaar
i suck at typing on this thing...opple 'n' hooble 'n' ergle 'n' all that jazzzzzzzzzz.
gosh. my face is boiling!!! why?!
caz says: Be a man and use your hand!



jacob's a mean bonbeanie saying mean stuff 'bout cazziiiiii but he is awesome !!(L)

omgosh, i've expanded in the space of 48 hours and now i look like a zeppelin xD seriously, i can float catface....mwahahaha

i'm so very very hungry

Thursday, 17 December 2009

I don't know.

I'm not sure about heaven and hell or reincarnation but my Mum once said something to me which I found so comforting that i really wanted to share it.
She told me that when we're buried or our ashes are scattered then we return to the Earth and plants will grow from us and animals will feed on those plants and so, in a way we'll live on forever and ever. Isn't that beautiful?
Now...anyway from the topic of death...what does everyone reckon to the snow?? There wasn't really a lot if we're honest with ourselves but there's bound to be more again soon, eh?
'twas rather pretty and refreshing but I reeeeeeeaaaaaally hope that not too much settles otherwise it'll disrupt all of the lovely plans I have for the last day of term.
OMGosh, two weeks, just two weeks until 2010, can you adam 'n' eve it??! I've started coming up with some new year's resolutions. dunno if i'll do all of them. one of the possibilities is to tell the truth all of the time but a) i think that'd be pretty hard and b) some people *death glare* would take advantage. ooople 'n' hooooooble 'n' ergle. yawn yawn yawn
I did EPICALLY bad in the math test yesterday. about halfway through i actually felt like giving up and walking out. I skipped sooo many questions. BUT life goes one, right? does for a bit anyway.
life's a bitch and then you die
so fuck the rules
and let's get high

Caroline's words...not mine xD preeeeeeetty darned funny though

45 seconds. teeee heeee. caz! You are awful...but I like ya!
OOOOOooooooooooooooh I am the blonde of the strawberry. certainly a whole lot more interesting than my usual brown. my hair's soooo boring. long and straight and brown. at least it's not brown anymore, eh? i just fancied a change and I did used to be blonde...when I was hair's about the same colour as it was when I was 6/7 kinda golden brown like pancakes. Gosh, I really could go for some pancakes right about now.

:OOOOOO!!!!! WAR HORSE WAS AMAZING. i reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaally reeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaally liked it. The horses were massive life sized puppets and by the end, you sort of just forgot about the puppeteers and they felt real. it was fantastic. Such a lovely, uplifting story although I had no idea of the plot before i'd seen it and was convinced that it'd be tragic. maybe i'm too cinical and pessimistic. Ah wells. life goes on...for a bit anyway...
Last day of school tomorrow. doesn't feel real, it's all gone so quickly. and SO much has happened. wow. what a year.
Incase I haven't told you, each monday I quote a line from a song in my diary * i do them more often than that but for definite every monday* and i shall be posting them at some point in the next week so as you can see how my year's gone on. btw, the depressing lyrics aren't all relevant, i think they're lovely and poetic is all. I've had some ups and downs. some real downs alright but this year's been pretty darned good overall. and do you know what, that feels so good to be able to write. I'm still not sure of where I'm going or what I really wanna do but I have got the rest of my life to work that out, so what's the rush? why not just sit back and go wherever it takes me? deal with the downs *walk it off xD* and revel in the ups.
This was long but i've had five days worth of junk to write xD

Peace and love

Saturday, 12 December 2009

Every cloud has a silver lining

And everything that goes up must come down

And that Silver will come crashing down upon your head

It won't care about your concussion

It's job is done

Last night was goooooooooooooooood!!! I love love love Hallelujah and Steve gave me a solo on it in the karaoke thingy last night :D Then Katie sumo-wrestled with me but the suits were massive and hot and heavy so I didn't wrestle for long. then I went on the bungie run and humiliated myself. One time by jump off of the end and sliding onto my bum *owwwwwwwww-that was my

Friday, 11 December 2009



aw, i got a huggle from harvey today :) he's never initiated a hug to me before, has always been t'other way around so i thought that was nice.

OOOOooooooooooh you are awful...but i like ya!!

^^love it!!

ermle 'n'ergle 'n' hooble 'n' ALL THAT JAZZ

skrinking feeeeeels soooooo gooooooood :D yeeeeeeeee

I'm 8st 6lb and NO ounces xD!!! hahahahhahaha xD!!!! tee hee.
7 ounces is about half a pound so not so bad for one day.
BUT i keep eating BAD calories >:[
i'm soooo into chocolate and it's empty, not got protein or vitamins or carbs or anything useful. just fat and sugar which i get enough of from other things. hmmmmmmm. i'll work on it.
I had a massive satsuma at lunch today. ENORMOUS!!! seriously, it was the size of an actual orange. i'm so into oranges and clementines and tangerines and satsumas 'n' lovely juicey things like that :D mmmmmmmmm YUMMY.
mwahahahaha my head avaded lickiness today. MWAhahahahaha

I didn't die in drama...always a bonus and i think our group did okay but some of them were actually amazing!!!
hahahaha the GCSE PERM xD does you be remembering that mine darling, Sweet Caroline??

Eloise was in hysterics over a plastic bag....

:O i knew there was something I wanted to tell you.

In l'histoire yesterday we learnt, amongst other things, about the first male midwife and his name was William Smellie.

...i got the giggles so badly and i felt really immature; especially since NO ONE else was laughing and so i knew that I had to stop laughing which just made it worse and i sit at the front of the class which made matters yet worse....i was shaking with laughter and my eyes were welling up.


...pffff xD

poor ploddy still feelin' ill :( let's all bless him. God bless him. in fact God bless you. God bless all of you, even if you don't believe in God...a fictional God blesses you; Boggins blesses you.

I heard that on the Adam and Joes podcast from BBC radio 6 and just though it was hilarious so there you 'ave it! Boggins is a fictional dog on their show and they were discussing whether or not to have this fictional dog fictionally killed. teehee. Boggines. LOVE IT!! cue harvey's " love it" face xD

Only 20 days of 2009 left, make the most of it and start thinking up some resolutions!!

Have a good weekend :)

Peace and love

Thursday, 10 December 2009


then go away and get out of my life then. off you trot. bastard.

HAA ha. i'm shrinking and dang does it feel good! mmmm hmmmmm 8st 6lb and 8 oz but then i weighed myself again and it was 8st 6lb and 6 oz but the scales are only accurate to two ounces so i reckon i'm in the middle at 8st 6lb and 7oz. no doubt that i shall be expanding come christmas day though...can't live without chocolate and niblet-thingies and MUM'S CHRISTMAS DINNER!!!!! MMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 'tis so darn good.

netball sucks.
oh really?

errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm loads of people are sick sick sick and that sucks sucks sucks.
ergle, there's so much to do and i'm getting confused about times 'n' stuffle 'n' all that jazz.

drama and triple science tomorrrow.

whose idea was it to sing in drama?!

...oh yeah...

Peace and love

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

you look like zuchinni

or you would if i could actually spell it :S hmmmmmmmm

anyways, hope you're well...I'm alright, thank you for asking.

A pen appeared. how strange. LOADS of people have been ill. gross. but i hope they feel better soon.

santa baby...forgot to mention one little thing,
a ring,
and i don't mean on the phone,
santa baby so hurry down the chimney tonight.

17 days!! hazaaaaaaaaaaar!!
omgosh, stop licking my head!!! =^.^=
teee heee
whiskers make me happy.
I got a jumper and it's jumping. jump. jump. jump. JUMPER.

ergle :( not shrinking. not happy. hooble.

Peace and love

Friday, 4 December 2009

For those of you who haven't noticed...sometimes my titles are links :)

ooooh yeah!!
ergle. our group was uber teeny today, barely anyone was in school. okay so that's exagerating but i'm a teenage girl so i'm allowed to :D a bunch of people were away on the art trip *lucky beggars* and others were at the clothes show *also very lucky* oooop and some were ill :'(

soooo, i wanna tell y'all how i did on that pesky drama essay of mine. I got a band 3 which was a C overall. Part a) got me 18/20 marks which translates as a/a* but part b) was DIRE and i got 4/20 which is a D. hrumph. not too bad for a first practicey type thingy and if i can sort myself out to work in the time limit then i'm pretty optimistic about doing the GCSEs at some point in the not too far away future.

i wore my massive jumpty *as my mama says xD* today. love it. *cue harvey's "love it" other words can describe it!*

ooop i've just eaten two slices of marmite on toast *white bread with butter so around about 250 calories* but i've been real good today and i'm at a very comfortable weight at the moment :D so comfortable that I don't mind telling you what it actually is.....8st. 7lb and 8ounces :D it's taken a while but i'm where i wanna be :D oooh yeah.

have you heard winter winds by Mumford and Sons???! 'tis soooo good; i heard it on the radio about a week ago and fell in love...:) gosh, i reeeeaaally do love that song yeeeeeeeee. it's not often that i fall in love with a song so much that i actually get excited when i hear it :S but dang does it feel good!! hooble. let the memories be good for those who've stayed.

Peace and LOVE
p.s i love you so much, you're the one i think about most of all and when i'm alone i'm not lonely cuz i know that you're thinking about me too. that WAS cheesey. tee hee.

Thursday, 3 December 2009

they try and try. strong words. accusations fly. he starts to shake and cough

It's so unfair that you know me better than i know myself. meanie bon beanie. hrumph.

ah, lovely monthly gift, how glad i am to have received you. -_-'

ergle. netball today in FILTHY bibs GROSS. urgh. i felt so gross. I'm so glad that i've had a shower now :)

ooop, and hooble, i've been wanting to tell you for ages but i'm in love with two songs right now, "Winter Winds" by Mumford and Sons and "Cities of the future" by Infected Mushroom. There's another song i love but i've loved this for a while...The Weight Of by Meghan Tonjes.
"I only look a bit like someone you could know, don't say a word, you make it harder, don't be absurd, it's just a game."

I gotta get going...

Peace and love

Wednesday, 2 December 2009

oh bother

mm hmm bother. grrr.

Sunday, 29 November 2009

towntowntowntowntowntowntowntowntown...what was that agin? Town you say?!...goodness...

I'm off to have tea now just but I had to say that today was a lovely escape from the monotony of this delightful British weather of ours...sorry i can't stop writing in bold :S
anyways, cottage pie.

Pie and love

Peace and love

Saturday, 28 November 2009


I've have Bad Romance by Lady Gaga stuck in my head...the video is so very, very peculiar...


I'm iiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllll which SUCKS. A LOT. Hrumph. I didn't change out of my pyjamas until about half one this after noon. I'm in the library now but i was lazing around the house reading my book for ages earleier. It is a fantastic book though and i'm almost finished reading it. It's called The Personal Shopper by Carmen Reid and is actually surprisingly deep. Certainly a whole lot deeper than theShoperholic series. The main character Annie Valentine was a clothes consultant 'n' all that jazz but when she dressed people it wasn't so much to do with the clothes; it was more of the characters which she was able to express through dressing and I just read a plot twist in it which almost made me cry but that would have made me look ever so silly as I was sitting in the Rom-Fic section corner of the library upstairs. ergle. I've got Latin, History, drama and chemistry homework to do which must be done today as i'm going out for lovely Harvey's birthday tomorrow. Really not looking forward to the blasted homework but town with mine matey mates dearest is certainly an attractive prospect.

Ga-Ga Oooh la-la
Want your bad romance

I want your ugly I want you disease...

yup, very odd.

I had every intention of sharing something but now i don't feel like it; not so generous afte all.

Right, I'm off, wish me luck.

Peace and love
p.s "I dream about leaving but wake up with regrets"

i've just painted my nails :D they're now a colour called mercury which i lurv cuz it's lurvly yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D

Friday, 27 November 2009

i'm so sick of being a teenager

get it?
does it matter?
A hypocrit for calling you on your hypocrisy.
Confused more than i care to say.
If i had more time then i'd only waste it.
I'll break my promise and your heart.
Don't try and say...
oh what does it matter? really, what does any of it mean?
Sometimes i'll be so sure of what i want.
then i won't have clue.

Monday, 23 November 2009

stop spitting paper at me!!!

blooming cruddy printer >:[

i loved my IT cover teacher today, what a lovely, lovely woman :) she lent me and hattie her jacket cuz we were cold and she was so sweet to louise when dom was being naught but an effing eejit. lovely woman...wish i'd have caught her name :S oh well, i see her around a lot, i can always ask another time.
2nd hpv jab this friday, CAN'T WAIT xD yayayayayayayay

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try
to fix you

^^sweet song, chris martin wrote it when his wife's dad died.

Peace and love
p.s see you when i see you. cheers duckie.

Sunday, 22 November 2009

you know those annoyin verficiation codes that you have to type to prove you're not a robot when you want to leave a comment or something??

I just wrote one that said "phecu".
...I thought it was funny...
I guess it just proves my supreme maturity and sophistication 'n' all that jazzin' lark, eh?

gotta go pack my bag and brush my teeth.

Nighty-night lovelies sweet dreams
Peace and love

Who's gonna save my soul

some things do get better
some things dont.

Saturday, 21 November 2009

I've just painted my nails...

thought i'd share that with you cuz i'm generous like that xD
it's a colour called Summer Sands which is a nice contrast to Winter Woes which have recently set in :S although mum said that it looks like autumn leaves as well... hmmmmmmmm


i reckon that i shall now depart and stuff

oooooooh before i go!! i've finished Second chance by jane green and if anyone wants to borrow it i'm happy to lend it but you'll hav eot be careful cuz i'm borrowing it from my lovely grandma :) it's a fantastic book and i can't believe i'd never heard of the author tbh.

i'm off tarah!!

Peace and love
p.s things honestly do get better. thank you.
p.p.s pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaase read the next part of my story on my other blog!!!

Friday, 20 November 2009

It's good to be home

Gosh, it does feel good to once again be offering dear readers of mine Tea and Toast in copious abundance.

Things over the past...month and a bit...have been fairly good on the whole but then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid...not quite like, "i love you"....

did anyone get that? or was it a lead balloon? :S

it's just like the time when somebody did something rather odd and then claimed that they simply had to because they had the "urge"...and i said, "got the urge? get to burger king!" in the commercial...but no one got it...I was simply greeted by some rather curious expressions. ah wells. xD

ooooop!!! I had a practical drama assessment today *just a practice to help with our written pieces but still assessed as though it was an actual exam* and my group got A's!!! SO happy with that xD and it was a right laugh as well, i've kept my war-stripes on all day and if they weren't so smudged up right now i'd be considering wearing them tomorrow as well but they're an absolute mess and my face can't go without a wash :o


hmmm, everything gets worse before it gets better but here's to hoping, eh? early morning tomorrow...i don't have the energy to explain why right now.

my legs have been a little achey today and i couldn't think why until i remembered that on...sunday....and wednesday *i think* I was really busting some moves, cutting some shapes and shaking my thang...I was dancing...badly...for a long The Black Eyed Peas and any other random songs that could be danced to on my iPod...yup. that's how i spend my free time. i think i'll go and hide in a corner now. *ooooop 'n' ergle*

my mate rachey reckons that i should be annoyed at another of my friends right now and i was to start with but it wasn't really her fault and she's a lovely person and over the...three and a bit years that i've known her this is the first thing she's done to really bother me and that's not worth losing someone over. no sirree. i don't believe so. lovely person.

Peace and love
p.s it's been a while, eh?

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

smile. the camera's watching. laugh. there are people. you have an audience. put on a show. go for it. you have them now. just go on and go. paint over the cracks and no one will see you falling apart. hold your chin up and no one will see you looking down.
smile. the camera's watching.

Friday, 2 October 2009


i have a hanky, i'll mop you up...
sorry about that. ill. and stuffed with dinner. not a great combination.
i feel siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick :(
but actually happy :D
i am surrounded by gorgeous people and the sun was peering through the whisps of sheep-like clouds upon the their bright blue hillside of a sky :) gorgeous.
and for the record, sandwiches are goooooooooooooooooooood xD

Have a lovely weekend...despite the weather we're especting :S
Peace and love

Thursday, 1 October 2009

A toast to Caroline and Robert

I'm so tired of crying. I think that if i drop another tear i may just collapse. being upset is more of a work out than rowing and that wrecked my hands-exhausting!! Every sad song's singing my life *i've become a cliché* and all the happy ones begin to mock me, "ac-cent-u-ate the positive"-my arse!! and the pitying smiles, the "everything's going to be ok" the "it's not the end of the world" and my absolute fave, "there's plenty more fish in the sea" i may look like a fish but i'm actually not so why anyone may think that i may be interested in mating with a fecking fish i shall never know. I'm knackered, each time some one says something sweet to cheer me up it makes me feel sorry for mself which is awful. there are so many, BILLIONS of people far worse off than i am. I'm losing my mind over...a teenage crush(?!) real mature kate, real mature.
if you had seen me yesterday lunchtime-i can't even remember half the crap i was saying and today was different but not all that much better- well, you'd have thought me to be drugged-up and coincidentally, you wouldn't have been thinking all that far from the truth. whilst, no, it's not an addiction i suppose i've come to rely upon pain killers quite a lot but they're intended for physical pain not the heart-wrenching, "with or without you" power-ballad, on your knees, air grabbing, say-it-like-you-mean-it kind of raw, emotional pain which i'm planning on pouring into a letter and then burning *therapy!...seriously, straight outta my self help book, "life support"*
Two of my best friends are very much in lurve and i am going to be very, very happy for them. as soon as i stop feeling sorry for myself.
cheers to them, a beautiful couple who deserve each other so much.

So, Miss Mink, are you gonna be okay soon?


Maybe not soon, but how do you feel about the future?

I guess i'm gonna have to start being optimistic sooner rather than later or i'll soon find mself in a hole...maybe literally :S no, kidding, that's awful. I promise, I won't kill myself; cross my heart and hope to d-....actually that's probably not the best way to swear that i'm NOT going to kill myself, is it? hmmm. how's about, i give my word? i put my honour *what honour?!* upon the line? hmmm? yeah, i promise.

tomorrow, the sun will rise and who knows what the tide may bring?

Peace and love
p.s thank you to everyone for their concern...and their shoulders fit for a-crying on. and thanks to someone who made me laugh on the phone last night, couldn't have made it without you.
p.p.s that secret blog wasn't ever secret was it, you just didn't want to embarrass me? so many people no about it that i may as well just post the link,

Tuesday, 29 September 2009

Saturday was my best birthday yet and one of the best of my life...

I met a very cute boy named Greg and we held hands and hugged and I was going to ask for his number but then he started smoking *gross* and totally went and ruined everything :S
I had such a laugh that day, it was epic. I got some really lovely presents, i think that the funniest was a self help book called "life support" by Derek Draper. It's actually a very good, calming book, it's just a peculiar gift from your folks. i got so much chocolate that I shall do naught but tilt around (much like a weeble *weebles wobble but they don't fall down*) come christmas. There are...93 days left in this year...can anyone remember what their resolutions were last new year? Mine were to complain less and do things when I planned to. I reckon i've done fairly well. asides from a few points of pessimism my optimism hath shined forth; a beacon of hope and good fortune through the dull, grey-cloud-clad sky.
if you're in need of something to read, i've by chance stumbled upon a very lovely little story on I do give great recommendation indeed for such a site. If you check it out, I shall love you forever. If not, then I'll only love you a little while.

Did you hear about the poor girl who died after receiving the HPV jab? Naturally, all of the girls who planned on getting it come october 16th are now pretty nervous. I'm one of these girls. However, if i don't die from it now then I could still just as easily die from cervical cancer later since there's a history of it in my family. And, with any kind of vaccination type thingy, there will always be some people who have adverse reactions. This is one girl out of...30000000? Right now, I just hope that that girl's family will be ok. if they have a god then i hope he helps them through this awful time.

I'm so knackered. I had an odd dream in which I was crawling through some kind of labrynth in school to get into the common room. looked nothing like the school i know but in my dream it all felt so familiar. anyways, i'm soooo tired but i have to write a history essay.

Oh joy. Oh rapture.

Peace and love

Thursday, 24 September 2009

Pleasantville, Dinsaur Hugs,The Used and getting really rather startled at lunchtime

..gosh it has been a long time, hasn't it??


The other night, I watched a film with my family called Pleasantville. It was made in 1998 so I'm surprised I'd never seen it before. It starred Reese Witherspoon and Toby Maguire *as seen in Legally Blonde and Spiderman; respectively* They played a brother and sister who argue over the television channel and end up breaking the remote *oops* they're given a replacement remote with magic powers *oooooooooh*. When they press the red button on the remote they are transported into a 50's drama series called Pleasantville. In Pleasantville they take on the roles of Mary-Sue and Budd. Pleasantville is very...pleasant. Nothing ever goes wrong, nothing can burn, the books are blank, nothing exists outside of pleasantville. They don't live in colour and they've never heard of sex. When Mary-Sue starts dating the captain of the basketball team, she decides to have sex with him and this corrupts the innocence of their quaint little town. Colour begins to spread *ERLACH!* anyways, things go wrong but are eventually made right again. It has a crap start but stick with it because it really is a laugh.

OMGosh, I went to my first ever gig last night!!! Elin and I went to the Electric Ballroom in Camden Town, London and we saw The Used. I'm not uber into them but it was so much fun!! There were two support groups, The Hexes and We Are The Ocean. The second support group were great but the first were...loud...and...shouty.
The underground was horrid. 'twas my first time. It was really hot and stuffy and eerily lit *if you've seen Creep, you'd be wary of trains too* and noisey and rattling around!!! I almost fell over :(

"Hey, you know how dinosaurs were so angry?"
"...uh, yeah, i guess..."
"Well, I just realised why..."
"Oh yeah?"
"Their arms were too short to hug each other"


Elin had to go and tell me that in science and make me laugh out loud. HA. i literally lol-ed!!

Lunchtime was odd, ben and richard were bugging me by clapping in my face and then they started following me, clapping behind me and then EVERYONE save no one began clapping too. I was so embarrassed and shocked and I startled *love that word right now*
ooooh, eloise and fei-fei gave me b'day prezzie's for saturday and i haven't opened them yet but THANK YOU!!
oooooooh and rachel finally fulfilled a promise she made to me FOUR YEARS ago!!! she played violin for me :) she played Happy Birthday :) what an awesome present.

Elin wasn't in today but it's not so much of a surprise, we got back late last night and she texted to say that she couldn't get to sleep :S still worth it though.

Don't stop dreaming. Dreams can still come true. Never stop believing.

*sigh* that felt sooooo good to write!! I hate not writing here :(

oooh, aerobics and animal making in drama was a laugh :)

woop woop The Wizard of Oz tonight at Hattie's!! Gotta love the classics :D

Peace and love

Friday, 18 September 2009

sorry i've not written on here in while

ups and downs and lefts and rights and wrongs have led me to take a little break from spilling my emotional guts across this cyber page. yeah, i'm ok; just hormonal. and man does it grate me. maybe i have a period to look forward to. great.

Peace and love

Monday, 14 September 2009

telescopic mascara my arse

Nobody noticed my lovely new mascara so it can't be that great. HUFF.

My hands are worn raw from the rowing in PE...2000m all on my lonesome and it only burnt about 100 calories...not worth it HUFF

still, i'm in a good mood :)

Peace and love

Sunday, 13 September 2009


I had a really rather frightful dream last night...all the world's adults were out to claim revenge upon us young ones.

oh lawdy.

someone put flaming meatballs on my duvet so i had to cut them off with a knife and then jump out of bed before the sauce caught fire. I made it just in time.
Then I needed to get out of the house, I desperately had to get out so I put a jumper over my nightdress, packed a bag and put on the first pair of shoes i could red ones.
I wandered around for quite a long time and i think i remember running from some people and I vaguely remember some evil guys and girls on top of a moutain on a tropical island making explosive stuff.
My memory of this dream is pretty patchy but it was just so odd that I had to share it.

The other night, I ended up going on a road trip with someone and their family but then i lost them and ended up in some kind of park but it was covered in ice. everywhere, there was thick, thick ice and the grass was frosted and we took about a million pictures. and their were sculptures everywhere.
I remember something about a helicopter but not much. I remember being told to sit behind some people in the campervan thingy. what on earth could my psyche be telling me??

Peace and love
p.s i've had a bruise on my leg for over 2 months that normal?! it's faded but still...

Saturday, 12 September 2009


Orchids are my very favourite type of flower and they're very pretty so if ever I have a little baby girl, I was considering calling her Orchid. However, on QI last night, Stephen Fry mentioned something about Orchid coming from some Ancient Greek word meaning testicle. I am not naming my daughter Testicle! Perhaps a more conventional name? I've always liked the names Rebecca and Violet...and i like violets :)

Peace and love

p.s any ideas as to why i feel sick every morning? anyone says i'm pregnant and Death shall be informed as to where you'll get visit from him at some point in the next week.
p.p.s i want to be so famous that my birthday is commemorated on the google sign xD

Monday, 7 September 2009

Bad news...or good depending on your perception

You all know how i love to vent as i do so frequently on this dear blog here but as ive now gone and returned to school and all that jazz I fear that I shall not really have the time for such gayeties for all that much longer and so my blog posts may become more sparse and few and far between and I know that you shal be suffering from withdrawal symptoms and wotnot but you shall cope for YOU HAVE THE POWER and guess what im in love awwwwwwww bless but it sucks i really wish i wasnt.

i love my commas, that was hard.

Peace and love

Saturday, 5 September 2009

back to life, back to some kind of reality...

Hallooooooooooooooooo there!!
ooooooooooh ja ja baby!
I did my science Homework on the day of yester and began some of the drama work...still haven't got a clue whether or not i'll pull it off with elin, we're not sure of what to do with our sketch :S
as always, ignore half of everything i say, so discard my previous post and take my word and believe when i say i'm doing mighty fine...well, alright i guess. things could be better bu then again, they could also be worse so i'm not complaining. well, i kind of was...but not really...
i just wish i understood is all. i'll tell you all someday...maybe once i'm more mature...


still wish that rob and will would do the 118 118 thingy for my birthday but i don't even know whether they'll be coming to town with me on that saturday so...hmmm. :(

ah well. not gonna think about it.
i'm a woman, it's my job to deal with it.
chin up duckie 'n' all that jazz.

why were you busy?? i really wanted to talk and you weren't there. dang my timing sucks.

Peace and love

Friday, 4 September 2009

Drama and all that is holy

Harvey stopped me from going mad in drama...I get so anxious about the tiniest things and I was so worried about doing a little sketch in drama 5th period that i actually felt quite sick
anyway, it was actually a laugh! :)
i don't know what to say about triple science...I want to cry, i'm never going to keep up with it all. and two people are going to be moved down from top set science so i'm terrified.
Amber's joined our school, she seems sweet:

You can tell that I've got crud on my mind, can't you, eh?? this whole post isn't exactly flowing is it?
urgh, i'm dizzy.

Why do you care about any of this? what the heck makes this matter to you? you said it yourself that you weren't feeling it?
oh ffs just shut up will you?

...i need sleep...and a hug...i'm fecking hormonal. that's all it's gotta be, right? well, it's not like it can be much else...tummy-bug at most. your immune system's fine, fairly resilient actually so it's not like you've gone and got the swine flu from being coughed on...though that was vulgar, why is it that no one covers their mouths properly any more...vile. and what about manners...i know i'm not the best for swearing but some people drive me crazy with all their casual swearing, it's horrid. ah well. one girl can't change the world...she can't even change herself...what a joke. tragic. oh yeah, tragedy, where should i start with that? do i need to include examples or what? or what? i hate that phrase...then why did you right it? shut up. you silly old cow.
3 weeks and 1 day til my birthday though i won't get what i really want...maybe that's because i haven't asked but if i did i'd get laughed at most likely...what a pity and all that which sucks and blows.
i want rob and will to dress as the 118 118 blokes...that's what i want for my birthday. but they'll never do it so i'll never ask. oh SHUT UP. just stop talking already, don't you say enough crap?

Thursday, 3 September 2009

Greetings glorious and beautiful ladies and gentlemen of our wonderful home planet Earth

I'm in a rather a good mood, can you tell?
I'm now a married woman. Elin and I were wed at was chaotic and shambolic and absolutely hilarious!!
...we have yet to consummate the marriage...
Is it wrong that even at my age I get really excited about my birthday?!
OOOOOoooooooooooooh and i'm going to a concert with Caroline *back from China YAY* and Elin *Wifey dearest...i was the groom...* on the 23rd!!!

Gosh, I'm in such a good mood, earlier on today, my jaw actually ached a little from all of the smiling!!
It's heartbreaking that I shan't be able to partake in the drama of my house *TUDOR* :'( It's the thing that I really look forward to at the beginning of the year and now it shall not be.
I'm probably gonna help backstage or something, I love the vibe xD but alas, NOTHING FILLS THE VOID, woe is me and such 'n' such. *and all that jazz!*

I thought today would be a little waring, however, I gloriously found that 'tis brillig *and the slithey toathes did gyre and gimble in the wabe, all mimsy were the borogroves and moamwrathes outgabe* LOVE IT!

There are a few films in the cinema which I'm desperate to see:
Funny People
Dorian Grey
(500) Days of Sun
...and something else which I can't remember the name of now


Peace and love

Wednesday, 2 September 2009

There are a few things in life which force you to grow up. Martin made me grow up.

He stopped breathing.
At night.
We had bunk beds, he had the bottom bunk and i awoke because it was shaking.
He was dribbling and jerking and his skin was tinged blue.
I jumped down the ladder and ran into my parents room, "Martin's having a fit. Mum, Dad, he's having a fit!" I yelled so loudly.
He threw up.
The paramedics finally arrived. finally.
Andrew was recording it all on our ancient camcorder. The doctors wanted to see his actions.
They wrapped him up in a blanket and he looked so tiny.
He must have been about 6 at the time but he looked like a toddler, all clad in cotton.
Mum went in the ambulance.
Dad drove Ange and me, following in the car.
It was foggy and cold that night. Pitch black. Near enough the only thing we could see with our headlights on full-beam was the flashing blue ambulance light. They only use that when it's really serious.
I can't stand blue lights.
And the siren, God, I can't stand that sound.
When we arrived, I can't remember a lot of what happened.
I just remember thinking, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for the horrible things I've said and done to you Martin." I always loved him but he was my little brother. I was a big sister. I was a big bitch.

He hasn't had another major epileptic fit in about three years now but he's far from well. He'll never be able to drive because of his eyesight, which is horrible because he loves cars. And he can never drink alcohol because it wouldn't exactly react well with his medication. It's not such a bad thing that he can't drink alcohol but it means that he won't be able to socialise like the others when he gets to that age. God I hate to say it but, if he does. They always said that he would progressively get worse. But the medicine's getting better, doesn't that change anything? Not really. I guess that all I can do at the moment is thank whatever's out there- whether it's God or Allah or a higher being or a spiritual force...or just good luck I don't know- but I have to just thank it for the 13 years which I've had with him. He still drives me crazy sometimes but I wouldn't have him any other way. I love him.
So, I look after him in school and though I don't always love that kind of responsibility, he's family and I'll do anything for family because I love them.

That's why money is so insignificant when compared with love. I wouldn't do anything for just some money but for love? I'd do everything I could.

Life is such a precious and fragile thing, make sure it's not wasted. Laugh, smile, love and rejoice whilst you still can.

Peace and love

Tuesday, 1 September 2009


My foresight is really rather lacking.
I've gone and organised a venture townwards and forgot that today was the farmers' market. Ist tuesday of every month and sure enough the highstreet is too packed to move in :O It's so busy, I have ney got a clue what we'll end up doing :S


I may or may not write more later...depends :S

Did anyone see Would I lie to You? last night? Such a funny show. the host, Rob Brydon, did an atrocious impersonation of one of the team captains; David Mitchel. 'twas still funny though! And Lee Mack (the other team captain) is learning to juggle because his son said, "i wish you could juggle dad."

Peace and love

p.s did anyone else watch that BBC 1 drama, "framed" last night?? I reeeaaaally liked it :)

Monday, 31 August 2009

Summer's end is nigh.

And no, I'm not speaking of my very lovely and wonderful friend, Summer; I'm of cause talking about the fact that tomorrow, September 1st shall be the first day of Autumn. Don't forget to say, "white rabbits" three times before midday tomorrow to bring you good luck for the rest of the new's just a silly little superstitious tradition in my family but it seems to work!

I popped up to Marie Curie to browse at the books and Gill asked me to mind the shop whilst she nipped to the lavatory as she didn't have any staff working. She was uber busy and I didn't have much else to do so I stayed and helped out in the shop until Gill closed at about 3.30. She usually keeps it open til about 4.30 or five but it was a bank holiday today and she fanciedd heading home.

So, what do you wanna know?
If any one can be bothered to leave a comment, I promise to answer any question you ask absolutely honestly. One per person :D
I bet I still won't get any comments!! Well, I won't bet...I'm not all that keen on gambling to be honest with you guys and all.
Anyhoooooooo, I'm really looking forward to tomorrow; towning with folk and what-not before we head back to TheLandOfNod.

Sorry about this post...I'm not really feeling it arty did that make me sound, eh? "not feeling it" ooooh yeah.

Peace and love

Sunday, 30 August 2009

can SOMEBODY please write something new??!

The last thing I had to read on my dashboard was posted five days ago!!
I'm a learned lady with an insatiable thrist for the knowledge I cleave from such entries and I'm really missing them!
Please fulfill my life. I beg of you, post something.
I've just finished watching, "Becoming Jane" starring Anne Hathaway and James McAvoy and it's lovely but oh so sad. Tom and Jane are desperately in love but they can't be together. It's heartbreaking.
The acting was fabulous though. They were good friends but still...shame.

Looking forward to Tuesday

Peace and love

Saturday, 29 August 2009


So, I watched Napoleon Dynamite last night as I've heard it's good and there wasn't much else on and it was epic!!! I love, love, loved it!!
And, as you must have gathered, I'm now utterly IN LOVE with Napoleon. That's write, not the actor, the character! I love his sexy oversized glasses and the way he runs and how he tucks his random t-shirts into his jeans and how he drinks milk and how he dances *SEXY* and the way he speaks; "Hey tina, eat the food. Eat the food!" I recommend this film to EVERYONE! It was completely stupid but I honestly can't remember the last time I laughed so much and I've now found myself another gexy *geeky and sexy* bloke to drool over...I swear that if my list wasn't lying in Caroline's ashes...then his name would be scrolled right across the top of it in capitals like this:

And all over each and everyone one of my new school exercise books I'm going to scribble KT4ND and Mrs. Dynamite...that actually sounds quite cool...hmmm, a deed-poll name change may be upon the horizon...Kaytei Dynamite! mwahahahahaha
OMGosh, AND he can ride a horse! And he has amazing taste in clothes; the suit which he wore to the school dance was EPIC! I'm so jealous of Deb *the girl who Napoleon likes*
Do you know who else I'm jealous of? Sandra Bullock.

Not only is she living my dream of being a mega-amazing actress but as anyone whose seen "Two Weeks Notice" will agree with, the way that Hugh Grant kissed her at the end of the film was amazing!! Why can't a boy kiss me like that?!


...I'm not that shallow dw...and just so as everyone's clear I don't want to be kissed in that way by Hugh Grant *his teeth annoy me and he's far too old for me* i'm just saying that being kissed like that by the boy I like might be nice...that's all...

well, i'm all embarrassed now :S

Peace and love

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

"get well soon" part two

Gasp. I take a desperate gulp of cold, acrid air; the only I can hope for in this place. Before the air's chill can claw at the back of my stinging throat, I'm under again. The warm, gushing liquid washes over me, encasing me in its sticky residue. My eyes are open but it burns. A searing heat forcing me to blink wildly. I need to breath but I can't break through the surface and in my haste, the hot, metallic-tasting liquid is in my mouth.


Through my hair, drenching my clothes. In my mouth. Blood.

An undulating wave gives over and once again my head's in the open in the open. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Each breath I take is heavily anointed with the stale odour of festering flesh. If my lungs could bear it I would scream but their exhaustion allows me only to release tiny, whimpering sobs into the blackness. Endless blackness.

I don't know how long it's been, or how I got here. I just remember waking up. I fell through an eternity of night. Terrified cries for help combined with my own shrieking painted bleak images of torture onto the black within which I was now entangled. Plunged into this...filthy, fetid, dying.

I don't know how big this place is. Just that I'm here. And I'm alone.

"Don't say that...Joe, you know you're not alone...I'm here." A sing-song voice that I know all too well has joined me.

"You're NOT. You aren't real. I don't believe you." I'm trying to convince myself more than her.

"Joe, you're upsetting me, your Mummy dear's already pushed me out but you won't do that, will you Joe, you love me, don't you?" Every note of her melodic tone is dripping with venom.

Silence prevails. Even the screams deserted me. Within the darkness and between the beats of my own heart Time had arrived. She isn't supposed to be here. Mum paid the shrink to talk to me years ago to make her go away. She still won't let me be.

"Why are you here, Time?"

"...You promised that you would hold onto me Joe. YOU PROMISED. One session with that, that bitch and you began to ignore me. You broke your promise Joe."

"I was eight years old. I was the only kid in school that wasn't allowed to take part in Drama. They said that the pretence might upset me and that was YOUR fault. I was the only one who had be taken out from classes to have little , "chats" with a fucking shrink and that was your bloody fault too. You said you'd look after me and you ran around me. You raced past me, you made everything change. This, " I swing my arms around, gesturing to the stillness which I don't even know if Time can see "THIS is your fault. I'm seventeen, I should be worrying about girls liking me and getting essays into school on time and instead I'm stuck, trapped in a fucking limbo that I don't even know is real."

Another silence reclines between is, stretching itself regally; relaxing despite the tense two surrounding it. A silence punctuated only by quick, sharp intakes of she...crying?

"I'm sorry." The mutter working it's way through my lips takes me by surprise and I struggle to recognise it at first.

"That's alright Joe." The crying stops and I can feel her presence draped around me. She may be trying to comfort me but all I can feel is Time's great weight pushing me further beneath the surface.

In another strangled moan which I struggle to believe to be my own I utter, "Time. Don't leave me now. I can't bear to be alone. I need you Time. I don't want to die."

"That's all I needed to hear Joe. I'll be with you forever, because you love me, don't you Joe."

Entranced and mystified by her warm breath on my neck, her hair brushing against my cheek, her intoxicated poison seeping through her words, just one word comes into my mind,

I'm in bed. Blearily, I raise my eyes to the clock upon my bedroom wall, 4.18 am. I hold my hand in front of my face. Clean, blood and damp only from the cool sweat in which I'm lying. Gingerly, I run my tongue across my lips. Dry, salty, chapped. Not sticky from blood. I run my hand through my hair. Warm, tacky, I bring it before my eyes...a bright orange-red.

"Mum!" I yell simply because I don't know what else I can do.
"Mum, MUM!"

Hurried footsteps upon the landing followed by a call of concern and Mum's in my room.
"Joe, what's happened?"
I hold my hand out to her, she goes to take it in her own but pull it away, not wanting her to feel the blood but she doesn't seem shocked by the sight.
"Joe, sweetie, what's wrong?"
"MUM! There's blood all over my hand and through my hair."

"Joe...there's nothing there."

I know that it's nasty but I still hope you enjoyed that! It's certainly something different to write from "Running To..." that's for sure xD
Dunno how good it is and i'm awful at proof-reading so there are proabably some terrible grammar and spelling issues...sorry :S
Anyways, I'll write more when the need arises and inspiration is the wind beneath my wings and all that jazz :D

Peace and love

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Hai Hai Puffy Ami Yumi

^Really odd cartoon I watched once upon a time....
Anyways, as most of my followers are guys, you will be unaware of horror, the absolutely nightmarish task of shaving one's legs. When you get to the age at which you need to shave your lovely lil faces, just imagine that on two whole legs!! It takes forever!! So, I bought some of that Nair hair removal cream stuff and after threatening my brother *be quiet or I'll put it all over your head!* I did a test patch as recommended. I was kinda chilly when I got up this morning so I wore jeans and didn't fancy rolling them up to do a patch on my ankle or summat so I smoothed some of the cream on my arm and left it for the recomended five minutes.

I now have a baldy patch on my arm O.o *hazzaaaaar*

I was watching a video from wvsam on youtube *so funny, definitely check him out!* and in the background he was playing, "One day like this" by Elbow and I thought, "hey, that's actually kinda cool..." so I looked up some more of their music and then downloaded the album, "The seldom seen kid" LOVING IT!! I heard of them a while ago from my brother Ange but he's mainly into death metal and the likes so I assumed that Elbow wouldn't be any different...I was wrong, I hang my head in shame :S

I got some great prints today, I'm gonna find somewhere on my wall for them later...they're on beige, brown and duck-egg-blue suede and they're just random embroidery squiggles but I'm really quite keen on them.

Thank you again to everyone who offered a sweet word to me :) and sorry for acting the way i did :(

Peace and love

Monday, 24 August 2009


...I made a rhyme, *smug*!
As some of you are already aware, I'm engaged to one Miss ElinimoomundootocomSqueechTheGodOfCapriSun *although I still loathe the length of that nick-name* And our wedding shall be held at Lunchtime on our return to TheLandOfNod upon September 3rd and everyone's welcome. Master PCPlod *...wasn't PC Plod the policeman from Noddy btw?...* shall be my best man as I'm posing as Groom, Hattiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee shall be my fiancé's maid of honour and TheOneWhoCan'tBeBotheredToPostAnymore *cough* TOMMY*cough* shall be playing the role of Vicar and will be marrying the two of us...we still have yet to decide upon whose name we shall be taking and may just take the name of her cat so we shall be Elin and Kaytei Polly xD

You may remember not so long ago that I was having rather a great deal of trouble locating a decent pair of shoes for school, however, the search is finally over and I'm fairly pleased although this appreciation towards said shoes may end when I actually get around to wearing them as I have yet to actually walk in them. I tried them on but I didn't run around the shop or anything *Debenhams by some bloke called Roberto Vianni or summat*. No doubt, I shall be in great pain walking to and from school in them *hrumph* -_-'

It recently came to my attention that The Catcher in The Rycroft was rather afraid for my safety...sorry James last post was a little hasty and irrational, wasm't it? Some crud happened and I wasn't feeling great *no S**t!* but i'm a whole lot happier now. So, to everyone else, to whom I gave a reason to feel concerned about me; I'm really sorry. I was once described as, "hyper-emotional" and though I wouldn't entirely agree with this, I am over sensitive and wear my heart on my sleeve and often react in the teenage drama queen, "the end is nigh" kind of way. So thank you for the support but honestly, I'm alright now!
Take care everyone!

Peace and love

Friday, 21 August 2009

You should have seen me last night...ridiculous

Last night I ran a quote from a film over and over in my mind, "when there's that much poison in your blood there's nothing left but to shoot youself" I didn't have a gun, just a hand full of pills and a glass of water. Cold and still. I sobbed into a pillow with my Ipod playing, hoping that no one would ever hear me. I promised that I wouldn't cut myself AND A PROMISE IS A PROMISE so instead, I looked for my straighteners, they get pretty hot, you know? You might remember me complaining about never being able to keep my room tidy though...I couldn't find them.
Then my Dad called me to say that Lee Mack was on telly. He's one of my favourite comedians and so I watched him, with my family. Things didn't seem so bad.
I went up to bed.
Cried myself to sleep.
Dreamt of you.
Holding my hand.
I asked you a question.
I can't remember what you said.
disappoint you. I am not like you. incorrect things. forgive yourself. It is your fault and maybe a time shall come . feel weighed down. try to blame yourself. I repeat a past point: it is your fault, and the time may come. I do so hope you are depressed to the deepest depths.

PS. I'm sorry.

I woke up this morning, eyes stinging, a lump still in my throat. I felt better though. If it hadn't been for my family last night...well it doesn't bare thinking about. It was stupid and as per the gosh darned usual I over reacted like the Drama Queen I am. It's not like it was much of a surprise anyway.
I'm kind of proud of myself. I got through it without anyone. I didn't send any irrational emails or call anyone up and scream down the phone at them. i didn't even write a word of it in my diary.
I'm feeling better but it still hurts like hell. That hanful of pills I mentioned earlier...I don't think I ever really mean to, I just wanted something to take away the pain.

Thank you though, I don't even know whether you'll ever see this but in case you do. Thank you. Honestly.

Thursday, 20 August 2009

Why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why...catch my drift?

You see.

The thing is.


One moment my parents are absolutely convinced that I'm an eighty year old woman the next thing, I'm four years old...I'm of course, obviously, describing the trials and tribulations of shoe-shopping. I hate shopping. There, I've said it. Browsing around shops, trundle-wundling along without a care in the world is simply marvelous but this is not the case when I actually need something. I'm now so sick of wearing shoes that I'm dangerously close to CHUCKING mine away...or giving them to charity...whatever. Although the prior made more of an impact really, didn't it? Thought as much. Anyhoooooooooooooooooooooooooo, my feet annoy me. My right one's just a tidbit smaller than my left one and the size of them vary from shop to shop, in some I'm a four, others I'm a six and when stores don't offer half-sizes I swear it's sacrilege.

So tired of shoes.

On a brighter note, I have new socks xD They're only boring ones for school but it means that for five whole days, I'm going to have that awesome, "i'm-wearing-new-socks-and-loving-it" feeling...or am i the only one who gets that? You know when you put on a brand new pair of socks and the cool, soft cotton seems to embrace the curves of the warm flesh of your feet...perhaps I'm going a little over the top here...

AND I've finally, finally, finally got a case for my glasses *hazaar and all the world can breathe easy*
OOOOoooooooooooooooh, I know that this was announced a while ago but Blue are reforming and I lovd their music so, so much when I was younger that I'm actually really rather excited about the news of their imminent return to the charts.
OOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh and another musical return which has generated much media discussion is that of Robbie Williams. Since his last album, "Rudebox" quite frankly SUCKED despite having a number one single; there's a lot resting on his return. We expect to see him back on form with classic ballads...*think Angels, Feel and all that kinda thing* when his new album is released in October.

'tis ready to be varnished, *hazaaaar* The paint is finally, finally, finally dry so now it is able to be varnished...I just hope my Dad leaves me to it, I can't stand it when he interferes all the time :S

DollyDot Signing out.
Peace and love

p.s TWO people have stopped following me?! Gosh you guys are fickle, ain't ya?! tbh...I've kinda stopped caring...he never followed me was just him i wanted and he still won't. he won't even hug me.
argh, now i'm getting all stupid and down, that's it, FORGET, FORGET, FORGET just STOP thinking about him...but it's not that easy is it?

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

Shall I opt for a witty yet confusion and possibly confusing title for this particular post or shall I simply say, "hi!"? I'm really rather perplexed

Hey there!

Town was really rather lovely today...TG my organisational skills held out alright-ish...although we got attcked by junkies with sticks...and lost larger portions of our group numerous times...AH WELL.

Darlings, the sun shone, the sky had unburdened itself from clouds, the air was strung with laughter and hugs were plentiful. Today was lovely. Although I could have done with a couple more hugs...
My head was pounding earlier, I was probably dehydrated or somthing me for something silly it's practically my reason for being :S I ended up taking 3 paracetamol and it's still not gone away. Don't worry, i know about the safety of dosage and all that jazz.

ha, you think you know me because you might read this blog. you don't have a clue.

DollyDot signing out.

Peace and love

p.s Many great thanks to the Catcher in the Rycroft for his blog post of ealier as my dashboard has been really rather vacant of late.


Tuesday, 18 August 2009

A o' couple things I can ney stand...

1. The sound of a knife on a sponge.
2. People who don't shut their mouthes when they're eating
3. The noise of teeth being brushed.
4. When amazing people won't accept compliments.
5. Water.
6. Hugging someone and not being hugged back.
7. I wanted to kiss someone on the cheek...not because I fancy them; i was wearing red lipstick and thought it would be funny to leave a lip print on them...xD I didn't though!!
8. Hypocrisy *i've probably spelt that wrong and yes, ftr I'm well aware that I can be pretty hypocritical sometimes.*
9.Lies. I've told too many and they always cause problems.
10. When someone tells me that they'll do something when they have no real intention to.
11. Forgetting the good things.
12. Grey.
13. Being so darn anxious.
14. Being so gosh darn superstitious.
15. Crying.
16. Corgettes.
17. Change...I know it can be good but so much happens in such a short amount of time that sometimes it worries me.
18. Not seeing my friends.
19. That I feel too shy to tell people what I think.
20. When boys never seem to say what they mean.

I could say more but 20 is enough and if I go on and on, I may end up getting myself down...*oh joy. oh rapture.*

Town today was great. Charlotte, Danielle, Elin, Matt and I had such a lovely time! 'twas Matt's birthday and Elin and I bought him a joint gift of penis pasta from Hawkins Bazaar xD It was my first time meeting Danielle and Charlotte and they're so sweet! I always get really nervous around new people but they were great. yeah, today was good.

DollyDot signing out.
Peace and love

p.s I have some vague recollection of someone telling me that something's happening on 23rd August but I can't remember whether that someone was a he or a she or what the something which he/she mentioned was. This is really annoying me. help please???

Monday, 17 August 2009

Martini's 13th B'day

aw, my dear sweet little brother hath been morphed into nought but a raging, testosterone filled teenage boy. gross.
JOKING! He's still lovely even though he can indeed bug the heck outta me at times xD
Anyways, I bought him some chocolate and a gorrilla marrionette puppet, he had fun making it dance...on my head >:[ ...xD 'twas a laugh. Ange bought him a metal match *very cool camping accessory to bring out the arsonist within Martin!* and a couple of finger puppets and something very cool called a Resurrection plant. It's all brown and curled up in the box but when dropped in water, it begins to unfurl and turn green and it continues to do this over and over again if and when it dries up. very cool.
Martin had a great birthday. The cake was goooooooooood. ja ja ja.

I've just finished my 3 hour shift at Marie Curie; most enjoyable. Busy but now I feel as though I've accomplished summat :D I sorted out the book display and dusted the shelf. I polished some silver jewelerry to put into the display case. I made sure that all of the rails were lovely and tidy and helped the customers. I like to think I did rather a good job of helping them. We had loads of donations and many, many customers so the till was pretty busy but it was enjoyable nonetheless.
I bought a cowrie shell for my older brother Ange since they're his fave type of shell...random acts of kindness are ever so lovely :) We call them mouth shell's because that's what they look like :) we always scower the beach for them.

I'm still reading Shopaholic and Sister and I seriously have to admit that the protagonist Becky is annoying!! I'm enjoying the book and it's very well written but depite being in money problems and having her husband Luke kindly warn her about such issues, she continues to waste money on things that she'll never use. She bought a waffle iron and she can't make the mixture for them so she just buys shop bought ones and used the iron to heat them up -_-'!! gosh darn it, she's annoying. Luke and Becky have been married for under a year and she's already driving him hay-wire! *and breathe*

Looking forward to tomorrow and Wednesday; shall be good fun.

Omgosh, Tommy came home from London the day before yesterday and found the note that we left for him in a flower pot...:D I laughed a LOT on the phone...and then bad-mouthed his answer machine xD mwahahaha...I'm lovely.

Marriage Consummation....:O kawk

DollyDot signing out.
Peace and love

Sunday, 16 August 2009


Omgosh! You will never believe like shut up omg!! :O

...that was boring, I don't like my preppy american highschool girl voice...'tis really, really, rather annoying...
Anyhooooooooooooooooo, I slept in a bed with two gorgeous girls last night *oo-er*. ElinimoomundootocomSqueechTheGodOfCapriSun *every time I type your nickname, I die a little inside...*, Hattiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and I had a sleepover at chez Elin last night and we all managed to squidge into thedouble fold out was comfy but reeeeeeeeeaaaaaally boiling hot o.O My body clock is screaming at me, "love me, praise me, shower me in attention" since the neglect I've inflicted upon it of late. I fell asleep for about an hour some where between 2 and 4 in the morning when watching a film but then I stayed awake munching on pringles and cake and absolute junk until about 7am or later playing on the character's pregnant with her husband, Dick Gumshoe's baby :o
Before then, we went for a wander around the village...dw...this was at about 7pm ish *we not eejits*

Omgosh, barbeque pringle, chocolate ice-cream, rocket, salt'n'vinegar pringle...TRY IT!!

We sat at the edge of the looked gross and although the woods were a little creepy looking *silent, empty, darkening* The sky was beautiful, pink and peach and vibrant orange, purple, indigo, lilac, voilet.

OOooooooh, you must, must, must try noshing on egged fried rice at 6.30am at least once in your life...promise!! Uncle Ben is now my favourite uncle...xD

We watched One Missed Call...the original Japanese version, it was very well made which wasn't surprising as the Japanese just know how to make scary films! I spent a lot of it cowering behind a cushion or with hands aross my face and one eye peeping at the TV. That ringtone in the film...dang I want it! However, the ending was poor. It's one of those, "come to your own conclusion" kinda films which can be very effective under the right circumstances. I just feel that there were too many questioins left unanswered...too many, "what about the-" kinda questions for my liking. Overall I give this film a 7 out of ten. definitely worth watching so as you can make you own mind up on it.
Then we watched Aquamarine a lovely film about a mermaid and love and friendship and a good-looking lifeguard. I feel asleep in the middle off this one :S However, darling Elin's lending it to me so as I can finish watching it and I look forward to it. It's one of those girly kinda flicks that reminds me of being little and there's nothing bad about that :)
Then we did some yoga...for about a minute...*who the heck does yoga, following an instructor on TV, between 2am and 4am?!...apart from us...*
We also watched SpongeBob SquarePants...BEST THING EVER! I've told a couple friends before that if he wasn't a sponge, I'd marry him xD
...maybe not but it's a silly little ditty...a guilty pleasure :)

MWAHAHAHA gummy bear sex, i dare you to look it up on youtube, one of the funniest videos you'll ever watch in your life xD!! love it!

We sort of wrote a note to Tommy and posted it to him but let's not go there, you don't wanna know what Elin and Hattie had to say about Tommy and xD kidding, kidding!!
*shifty eyes*

we didn't write anything bad but it was on the back of a receipt in eyeline...oh yes, never let it go untold that us girls are a creative bunch!

Dearest Caroline was greatly missed from such proceedings but that lucky beggars over in China so she can't really go complaining. Although, she must be aware that if she fails to bring me a newspaper then I will HUNT HER DOWN. Kidding!! obviously...

Knowing my senile mind, I'll have forgotten many, many things but I've been writing for aaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeeesssss, *slow typer* and I'm alittle tired :O

DollyDot signing out.
Peace and love
p.s 'tis Martini's B'day today!! It's goooooooood, I'll write more tomorrow but yeah, life is dulcé! That's Spanish for, "sweet".
p.p.s If my Sims character has boy twins then they're gonna be called Benjamin and Charles. lovely :)
p.p.p.s I fell off a swing yesterday!! i hurt my little finger :(!! still happy happy though :D

Friday, 14 August 2009

For your Information

As I'm sure you're aware, "etc." is the abbreviated form of the French word, "etcetera". The european language French is the closest modern day dialect to the ancient and, "dead" language, Latin. "Etcetera" is the combination of two Latin words, "et" meaning "and" and "cetera" meaning "the rest". So, on completing a lengthy list the addition of the term, "etcetera" meaning "and the rest" is perfectly applicable.
Just thought you should know.

Mine darling dearest, fair God of Hot (!!!)hath landed :D
I have news from him and all is well within the land of I.
Monday morning promises yawns a plenty as I shall be arising from Slumber early enough for my 10am shift up at the Marie Curie cancer care charity shop, the manageress, Gill, is going to be working with me so it shall be very good to catch up with her. I also hope to do a shift with Elizabeth at some point as this would also be very lovely.
Sunday brings forth the teenager within my little brother, Martin, as he celebrates his 13th b'day :D...i still need to buy his present :S I know what I'm getting *i'm not that thoughtless!*.
And Tuesday is Matty Matty Matt's birhday *hazaar* so I shall be seeing him for the first time in almost a month!

Anyways, my talents are currently in need so I'm afraid we must depart.

Peace and love

Thursday, 13 August 2009


How are you?
Good good. Unless you're not not feeling good...that's a shame, i'm sorry. BTW, have you ever given a listen to Muse's cover of Feeling Good? I'm a big Nina Simone fan so I was kinda annoyed that they did a cover of it but I have to admit, it's really grown on me and I now love that they tried something new with it rather than the predictable soul/jazzy kinda cover that bunches of people have tried. I also like Michael Bublé's cover but that probably doesn't make me sound as cool...
Anyways, Martin had an appointment at the Royal Surrey County Hospital with Dr. Obi and Dr. Sinha about his development and especially the impact that his growth is having on this kidneys. He needs to drink more water in order ot help to flush the toxins out of his body without causing his kidneys too much stress. Anyways, despite the fact that he's hurtling down the pubescent landslide *oh joy, oh rapture -_0!* his kidneys are working fairly stably. They've increased his dosage of the Onealpha Calcadol *calcium supplement...probably spely wrong* and they're considering giving him some kind of medication to bind the phorsphates together so as they can be flushed out easier. This may mean that they have to fiddle about with his Epilim *medication to prevent an epileptic fit* but other than that, he'd doing gooooood! :D

At about 4pm yesterday, mine matey mate dearest, Miss ElinimoomundootocomSqueechTheGodOfCapriSun *I hate your nickname* stopped by at my humble shack xD She stayed the night *oo-er* and 'twas a laugh. We didn't actually end up getting to sleep until 6am. Far better than my pathetic midnight last sleepover!! We had jammy bread and Elin cut the bread in her special signature way! She read my diary from when I was...7 (!) and it was very embarrassing :S Anyways, I'm lending her some CDs and she thinks that she's lending me her jacket but in actual fact, she will never be seeing it again...mwahahaha!

PENIS PASTA!! oh yes.

Peace and love babes
p.s I am in a gooooooooooooooooooooood moooooooooooooooooooooooood :D

Tuesday, 11 August 2009

"Running to...Chapter 6:Xx or not?"

Chapter 6: Xx or not?!

I wake up. Every last idiotic notion of being mature and making my own decisions moshing in my head. I’m somewhere in London and I’ve spent the night in the apartment of a man whose last name I don’t know. Despite the mockingly blatant cliché, whilst bathed in the cold light of day (Jake had forgotten to draw the blinds the night before) I finally became aware that I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. Desperate to regain some sense of familiarity in this abstract new position, I fumbled through my rucksack for my sunflower seeds. I knew that I had to try and make them last because my money was already dwindling and I still hadn’t come any closer to deciding whether or not I’d be going home any time soon. Shoving a handful of the huge Greek sunflowers into my mouth, I closed my eyes and for the first time since waking, I let myself relax, but not for long. I can already hear Jake thumping around upstairs; he’ll be coming down soon. Hurriedly, I swallow the last bit of sunflower seed pulp in my mouth and stuff the rest of the bag back into the section of my rucksack in which they’ve been keeping my dairy company. My diary. I’ve been neglecting it recently, I shall have to shed some more light on Jake at some point but as for now, my priorities take a different form. Onto the page which I’ve just torn from my diary, I scrawl my mobile number followed by, “Thank you, call me. Xx” I wasn’t sure whether the x’s were appropriate, wasn’t this the kind of message reminiscent of a one night stand?! I puzzled but then remembered that I had to get going. I scraped back my unruly hair in a half-decent ponytail, all the time wishing that I’d had the foresight to have tied it back the night before to spare me from the frizz which was now attacking. My battered converse, once again greeted the soft cotton of my lucky socks and as they did so, I wondered to myself, were lucky socks as efficient when they hadn’t been washed in a couple of day?

The shut Jake’s front door behind me as softly as I could. The bang which emitted from the door being shut was enough to send the pigeons spying on me from their perched in the sycamore not far from Jake’s house flying off at a high speed, no doubt home to their loved ones to gossip about Jake’s lady friend. Great. I could practically see their tiny beaks working a mile a minute...

“Who, who?”

“You know, Jake, Jake, he lives opposite us.”

“Oh him, what about him?”

“He’s got himself a new lady in his life?”

“Ooh, has he now?”

“Yes he has now!”


“Ooh-er indeed. She even spent the night.”

“Well I never-“

Was I going mad? Imagining pigeons having a good natter about you, Joey? You’re bonkers. I narrow my eyes at the one remaining pigeon, determined not to admit defeat...from a pigeon and then I get going. Holding tightly onto the straps of my rucksack; I head off out. To where, I’m not exactly certain so for good measure, I take a good look around, absorbing as much as I could remember about Jake’s place in case I ever found good reason to return. The terraced houses, identical gardens , (I say gardens, perhaps “yards” would be more fitting) the massive sycamore, the pigeons.

Although I’d been thinking of myself as ever so grown up only minutes ago, I realised that upon reaching the end of the street I was really rather hungry. Maybe I’d have been more grown up to have stayed for breakfast. However, remembering the lack of money left in my pocket, I force my hunger away and strive onwards.

If I’m going to make a real something of myself here in London, I’m really going to have to make some kind of income. At this I remember the horror stories I’d heard upon the news about young girls, not unlike myself, forced into prostitution just to stop them from going hungry. It made me feel sick. What some people are made to go through in this life. Innocent people suffering from the cruelty of others.

I was never a princess so I gave up on the hope of a fairytale a long time ago but only now could I really comprehend what a horrid reality ours is.

this is a short one but I hope you've liked it :)

Peace and love