Wednesday, 2 September 2009

There are a few things in life which force you to grow up. Martin made me grow up.

He stopped breathing.
At night.
We had bunk beds, he had the bottom bunk and i awoke because it was shaking.
He was dribbling and jerking and his skin was tinged blue.
I jumped down the ladder and ran into my parents room, "Martin's having a fit. Mum, Dad, he's having a fit!" I yelled so loudly.
He threw up.
The paramedics finally arrived. finally.
Andrew was recording it all on our ancient camcorder. The doctors wanted to see his actions.
They wrapped him up in a blanket and he looked so tiny.
He must have been about 6 at the time but he looked like a toddler, all clad in cotton.
Mum went in the ambulance.
Dad drove Ange and me, following in the car.
It was foggy and cold that night. Pitch black. Near enough the only thing we could see with our headlights on full-beam was the flashing blue ambulance light. They only use that when it's really serious.
I can't stand blue lights.
And the siren, God, I can't stand that sound.
When we arrived, I can't remember a lot of what happened.
I just remember thinking, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for the horrible things I've said and done to you Martin." I always loved him but he was my little brother. I was a big sister. I was a big bitch.

He hasn't had another major epileptic fit in about three years now but he's far from well. He'll never be able to drive because of his eyesight, which is horrible because he loves cars. And he can never drink alcohol because it wouldn't exactly react well with his medication. It's not such a bad thing that he can't drink alcohol but it means that he won't be able to socialise like the others when he gets to that age. God I hate to say it but, if he does. They always said that he would progressively get worse. But the medicine's getting better, doesn't that change anything? Not really. I guess that all I can do at the moment is thank whatever's out there- whether it's God or Allah or a higher being or a spiritual force...or just good luck I don't know- but I have to just thank it for the 13 years which I've had with him. He still drives me crazy sometimes but I wouldn't have him any other way. I love him.
So, I look after him in school and though I don't always love that kind of responsibility, he's family and I'll do anything for family because I love them.

That's why money is so insignificant when compared with love. I wouldn't do anything for just some money but for love? I'd do everything I could.

Life is such a precious and fragile thing, make sure it's not wasted. Laugh, smile, love and rejoice whilst you still can.

Peace and love

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