Thursday, 1 October 2009

A toast to Caroline and Robert

I'm so tired of crying. I think that if i drop another tear i may just collapse. being upset is more of a work out than rowing and that wrecked my hands-exhausting!! Every sad song's singing my life *i've become a cliché* and all the happy ones begin to mock me, "ac-cent-u-ate the positive"-my arse!! and the pitying smiles, the "everything's going to be ok" the "it's not the end of the world" and my absolute fave, "there's plenty more fish in the sea" i may look like a fish but i'm actually not so why anyone may think that i may be interested in mating with a fecking fish i shall never know. I'm knackered, each time some one says something sweet to cheer me up it makes me feel sorry for mself which is awful. there are so many, BILLIONS of people far worse off than i am. I'm losing my mind over...a teenage crush(?!) real mature kate, real mature.
if you had seen me yesterday lunchtime-i can't even remember half the crap i was saying and today was different but not all that much better- well, you'd have thought me to be drugged-up and coincidentally, you wouldn't have been thinking all that far from the truth. whilst, no, it's not an addiction i suppose i've come to rely upon pain killers quite a lot but they're intended for physical pain not the heart-wrenching, "with or without you" power-ballad, on your knees, air grabbing, say-it-like-you-mean-it kind of raw, emotional pain which i'm planning on pouring into a letter and then burning *therapy!...seriously, straight outta my self help book, "life support"*
Two of my best friends are very much in lurve and i am going to be very, very happy for them. as soon as i stop feeling sorry for myself.
cheers to them, a beautiful couple who deserve each other so much.

So, Miss Mink, are you gonna be okay soon?


Maybe not soon, but how do you feel about the future?

I guess i'm gonna have to start being optimistic sooner rather than later or i'll soon find mself in a hole...maybe literally :S no, kidding, that's awful. I promise, I won't kill myself; cross my heart and hope to d-....actually that's probably not the best way to swear that i'm NOT going to kill myself, is it? hmmm. how's about, i give my word? i put my honour *what honour?!* upon the line? hmmm? yeah, i promise.

tomorrow, the sun will rise and who knows what the tide may bring?

Peace and love
p.s thank you to everyone for their concern...and their shoulders fit for a-crying on. and thanks to someone who made me laugh on the phone last night, couldn't have made it without you.
p.p.s that secret blog wasn't ever secret was it, you just didn't want to embarrass me? so many people no about it that i may as well just post the link,


  1. it's an addiction. you should have listened to me before.

  2. ok ^ person above that's fucking mean. Shut the fuck up. I bet you know all about addictions.
    Kate... am gonna be honest. I've been trying to avoid saying those things like "everything will be ok" and shit, because I knew taht you'd know already taht someone would say that, so I chose not to add to teh patronisationingblah
    I'm proud of you today. ELinimooooooo x

  3. thank you elin, i love you so much. my 1/2 smirf, ex-wife, gonna-be-a-monkey-someday lover! xD
    i'm feeling a bit better so i'll probably be at club tonight.
    first anonymous person. not fecking funny. i'm going through a serious thing right now and the absolute last thing i want is some eejit thinking they can rule my life for me. yup, i've made some crap decisions but i'm dealing with them so leave off. and another thing, don't be such a coward, sign your name!