Tuesday, 30 June 2009

About the glasses

yeah, i appreciate that i need to get over it and get more confidence but right now, i really need them. I had to give a presentation with my group in English *which by the way, ROCKED!!* and I couldn't stand up in front of everyone without my glasses :S i promise i'll get over it.
ah, the sky shines forth with nort but the fairest of blues, glorious summer sunshine just for you and a light breeze fragranced with the sweet aromas of freshly cut grass and flowers of great beauty lend their time to carress one's face and yet alas, still, woe is me. *sigh*
he only likes me as a friend and no, i can't be certain when people ask, "but how do you know?" but I can just tell. I haven't got Lorraine's *from the Apprentice* special skill but i have woman's intuition don't you know?? yeah...well...I'm still hanging around for a fairy tale but i was never a princess so maybe I should give it up?
The weather's too nice to be miserable, so I shan't get you down with my trials and tribulations and all that jazz.
Anyway, I'm being evr so rude; just babbling on about myself, how are you??

Peace and love

Monday, 29 June 2009

The truth behind the glasses *dun dun dun*

It sounds really dramatic and all that jazz but tbh, it will bore you :S
you see, i've told you that I wear my clear-lensed glasses simply because i like glasses. I do indeed like glasses and have done for a while but this isn't the only reason i wear them. The thing is, and this is a tidbit embarrassing, I hide behind them. It's like a mask but I don't look silly in them...well that's debatable but the point is that to me, I'm a different person in them and I can be confident and all that jazz where as to everyone else in the real world, I'm still just me. so yeah. now you know. and i'm all ashamed and junk *moody pout* :S

I've had silly flight of the conchords songs stuck in my head all day...I love them but I don't need to hear Bret and Jemaine digressing about dead humans for the benefit of robots of the future all day long TY very much :o

Peace and love

Sunday, 28 June 2009

i will marry

a man who can weave plain words into something beautiful,
a man who will make everything better,
a man who writes a song for me,
a man who reminds me that nothing's as bad as it seems,
a man who says random things to make me giggle
and who lends their shoulder for me to cry on,
a man who always has the time to listen
and always has something to say,
a man who is as hopeless at dancing as i am,
but would still like to learn how to,
a man who can make me feel like a goddess
but keep my feet on the ground,
a man who loves me
and loves all that is important to me.
A man who gives me a million and one reasons to love him.

A man like the guy I like right now.

Peace and love

Saturday, 27 June 2009

I just cut my hair

a tidbit of a trim to tidy up the ends...nothing drastic; i'm too indecisive to get any kind of, "interesting cut"...so yeah...
I asked someone for guy advice earlier, 'twas funny...he didn't have a clue but the phone was trying to eat his ear so maybe that was kind of distracting him....YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE *mwa ha ha*
I'm wearing one of my favey necklaces, it has a shark-tooth-shaped piece of rose quartz hung on a slim silver chain and it's pretty. Rose quartz is the stone of love and it always makes me feel nice and feminine to wear it. I'm not a very feminine girl, I kind of feel clumsy and awkward rather than cute and girlie which sucks but I'm not trying to complain. It's nice that I have tall friends because it makes me feel kind of more like a girl. I think that what really upset me was having to play a boy in a school production when I was five...I remember asking my mum that night, "do i look like a boy?" I started wearing make-up too early and developed some kind of complex over my body and the rest of my physical self. I padded my bra at the age of...nine*?* It's just wrong. I kind of grew up kinda too soon and never got to grips with just me. This is gonna get heavy and melodramatic but I've never been able to be just me, this is the same for a lot of people but I'm a different someone in different situations and I'm not keen on being alone so I've always surrounded myself with others and so by doing so, I've never just been me. I hope this is making more sense to you than it is to me :S
So, I still love being with all my friends but I'm gonna really find out who Kaytei is without a boyfriend or anything. So, even though I reeeaaally like someone at the moment, I don't want a boyfriend.
I like cutting my hair *random changes of subject: For The Wolf* snipping off little bits of me, it's like a therapeutic rdding-of-the-past kinda thing...or is that just me reading too much into crud??
If you havenae guessed already, I'm tired :S
I'm gonna go watch Michael McIntyre's comedy roadshow in a sec...I love him :)

Peace and love

Thursday, 25 June 2009

There are so many things I want to tell you

Like, seriously, soooooo many things but i gotta go bathe so i shall leave you now :'( such a sad farewell and all that jazz but I just have to say, I feel more content with life and me and everyone here in my world than i have done in...too long. Thank you to everyone. I don't wanna be all melodramtic and sounds as thought I'm really rather drunk but honestly, I love you guys.

Peace and love

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

Do the conga

how come no one wants to conga when I suggest it? 'tis the best and easiest dance of all and literally a billion people could do it together; what a great show of unit, eh? yet still, no one will conga with me...woe is me...
Just read one master J. A of R's blog and he wrote about his past self and how much he's changed in the past few years. he also invited people to do the same...so here I am, about to open up to a bunch of strangers. oh. my god.
In three years I've dated...five guys....*don't burn me* I won't say that any were mistakes but those of you who know me well will guess who I'd like to forget about.
I've cut myself...more times than I should have...none being the amount that I should have. I used to think that by focusing pain outwardly I could take away the pain from the inside, *BUZZZ WRONG ANSWER* I was a very angry person but I blamed myself and became passive aggressive and depressed. Then I began to talk to people and realised that I wasn't all alone. I wasn't, "misunderstood" and I was pretty much the same as a lot of other people.
I've had my heart broken only a couple of times and I'm still standing.
I spent over a year of my life daydreaming about someone I could never be with because I'm...HOPELESS.
I auditioned for house drama in school. I remember the year seven audition and thinking, "wtheck am I doing here??!" but i stuck it out and i actually got a main part. I loved it and felt so part of something. I did it two other years as well. I love acting. I'm no good at public speaking and some people don't get how I can go on stage and act an utter fool or cry or sream and be fine in front of an audience but that I can't deliver a simple speech. I guess I still find it easier to be someone else.
I moved school in year six and began talking in an american accent. at first it was to kind of create a new, "me" and before I knew it, I couldn't stop. Occasionally, I still slip back into that tonality but for the most part my american twang is dead and buried.
Erm, let's think...what else have I done?? I've argued with and lost a couple of times, people who mean the world to me. I vow not to let it happen again.
I've gave up having boyfriends and managed it for 8 months or so but whatever.

Peace and love

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

Math exam results

...better than I expected but could still be bettered...a lot...I got higher than golden boy, Jaquie!! That's my ambition you see, to wipe the smug grin of arrogance off of his face...mwa ha ha!!
I'm quite pleased with it but I still have my science results to wait for and in true nervous-wreck-kaytei style...I'm FREAKING OUT MAN!!!
ooh, i forgot to mention this yesterday but when I was frying my spring rolls, my techie teacher told me that I i deep-fat-fried beautifully...I wasn't aware that anything so greasy could be at all beautiful...ew. I washed my hands a billion and one times and they persisted on being greasy and gross...ew. and I smelt like cooking oil...ew.
The boy whom I have yet to learn the middle name of was being rather lewd at lunch today, however, i still rather like him :)

I shall aim to finish my sketch of rafael nadal tomorrow...i'll share with you how it goes...because i'm generous...

Peace and love

Monday, 22 June 2009

well that was weird

i just lost my hearing for a sec there...moving on...
you're gorgeous and crazy and that's why i love you.
I've started a drawing of rafael nadal. It's not great thus far, I just can't get him quite right. I'm coping a picture of him which is just so lovely. It's not one of those official press shot things so he's just looking lovely and natural and miles away :)
We began marking our exam paper thingys today...I think i'm dong alright-ish, it oculd be better but then again, it could be worse so what you gonna do, eh?
ARGH, my head hurts :'( i must be dehydrated or something but it feels like it's being smushed in on itself...not good. oooh, my spring rolls went rather well, I'm really quite pleased with them actually :) mmmm and i lurv bean sprouts :D

Peace and love

Sunday, 21 June 2009


Today was really rather awesome *heavenly chorus*
Even baring all in one's bikini wasn't so bad. We bobbled in the sea and chucked seaweed at each other *mwa ha ha* Gorged on cookies, buuuuuuurrrrrrrrgers, hot doggies and many pringles. We watched the original Omen film. I'm a bit of a horror fanatic but I'd never seen this film so it was pretty cool to finally see it. Some parts were actually laughable but other sections reeeeaaaaally creeped me out. "Damien, look at me Damien. It's all for you. It's all for you Damien." freaky, much?
urgh, i'm so sandy and my hair's all salty. I reeaaaally wanna bathe and get a change of clothes. 'twould be good.
Love you everyone.

peace and love
p.s I was kinda tired late last night/early this morning...sorry about the texts...I'm all embarrassed now.
p.p.s hahahahaha katie was such a sexy sand-mermaid hahahahahaha

Saturday, 20 June 2009

Bean sprouts rock socks

One mind reeling over your name,
Strange but this was never a game,
...I'm still being played,
...My heart, bound, so afraid,
To keep searching when it all looks the same.

Don't let me go,
I 'm not ready to do this alone,
Don't let me go,
I'm just not ready to fall.

hey there, I didn't write yesterday...sorry...a little rushed-by and all that jazz :S I can't write much now, I have some food techie work to catch up on, making spring rolls with bean sprouts on monday :)

You know those short poems that skakespeare wrote, "sonnets" *or something along those lines*? well, I reckon that's what the intro to this post was. I'm perplexed...who on earth is lord zaros?? and why does he like crusha so very much?? this is just like when I was unnerved by the presence of mark geranium...

Anyways, hugs and kisses xD

Peace and love

Thursday, 18 June 2009


HELLLLOOOOOOOOooooooo!!! I'm in a gooooood mooooood :) I'm reckoning that the math tests went alrighty and well I'm hoping I get a pretty good grade since I reeeeeeeeaaaaaaally don't fancy being moved down. I have enough of a complex about feeling stupid as it is thank you very much :)
I had rock-climbing after school today and it was alright, I was knackered so I kinda sucked but for the most part it was a laugh...but I got my hand caught in the bee-lay device and that reeeeeeeaaaally hurt. It barely broke the skin but I just know that it's gonna be disgustingly bruised tomorrow :(
ooooh, I spend so much time planning other people's lives so I thought that I'd share with you guys, how I'd like my life to turn out...I want to live in a small cottage *i'd feel too alone in a big one* with a white picket fence, a small shed, daffodils and a small pebble path in the front garden and a royal blue front door. I want two kids, preferably a boy and a girl but I don't mind...I 'd love twins actually, that'd be awesome. I know who I want to live with and share my life with but I think that's a little too private to be disclosing upon a blog, don't you? I'm wanting to be an actress, long time tv series stuff and lots of panto and other theatre work and in any minutes that I grab between looking after and loving my children, I'll put some time into writing a book. My husband will be witty and foolish, silly and sophisticated, daft, lovely and simply wonderful. He'll be a doctor or a teacher or a politician or have some other highly respected job and we'll share the same joys and we'll hate the bnp and we'll go on random adventure holidays and end up not being able to do anything so we'll just picnic and roll in the grass, play frisbee with the kids, teach them how to make daisy chains. oh and my husband will teach me and the kids how to play an instrument.
I've put too much thought into this, haven't I??
bet you're now thinking, "gosh, she's a bit odd, ain't she? oo-er!"
ouch, my hand hurts :'( real bad actually :(

It's almost the weekend xD
Peace and love
"maybe in time, you'll want to be mine"

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

I'm a dumb dumb...it's okay; you can agree :)

See, today were our science exams. Everybody has told us that they don't matter. ENGLISH IS THE ONLY SUBJECT THAT MATTERS. etc. and yet, still, I freaked out.
We had paper 1 and i was a jittery mess but i got through it but after lunch, I couldn't bare to face paper 2. I'd convinced myself that I had gotten everything wrong and it sooo didn't help that sooo many people thought that it was sooo easy. I broke down in front of everyone...how embarrassing. Everyone was lovely and amazing and all that jazz and I calmed and cooled and I think that the second paper went better than the first but we have math exams tomorrow so I'm not out of the dark yet. I've revised loads and I'm still worried. I'm a naturally anxious person *some people are born with confidence, equanimity and grace...I get anxiety...great...* so imagine me in exam conditions, *oh goody* -_-'
The only comfort I have right now is knowing that by this time tomorrow it will all be over and never ever ever again will I experience the exact same pain. Once I'd finished the first exam I told Elin *godofcaprisun* that it was "like death but slower". I don't enjoy exams. Tomorrow, today will be yesterday; history and I can move on and forget. oh please, lord, let me forget.
I reckon that the worst thing was that for the first time in a while I actually chose to wear mascara to school today; so not only did I have pink, watery, puffy eyes, a red nose and swollen lips *my lips swell when I cry...don't know why* I had brown smears down my face too*gorgeous*.
Master R. D. of P...I'm ever so intriguied as to who you fancy but I shan't bother you. Simply one mote of advide, don't mess her around. If you like her, TELL her...girls don't like it when guys don't say what they mean.
Master T. E. of L...I've just read your blog...the butterfly effect... I recommend you watch the film, "the butterfly effect" ever so good and stars Ashton Kutcher *awesome* loved it!
And finally, I implore the boy, whom I don't know the middle name of, to write again soon.

I auditioned for house music earlier. Doubt I'll get in at all but ahwell all the same and all that jazz.

Miss E. R. of S...I do apolagise for the defacing of your pencil case, although 'twas funny at the time :D
Miss C. F of A Me loves you. yeah.
Miss E. R. of G Ha, your initials spell erg...erm...hi! please show me Jake and amir tomorrow. I'm in love with Amir xD

Sorry about today. I'm a mess but I'll get over it. Tomorrow will be better, it has to be.
oooh, tommy, glad you're enjoying the book! hope you finishe it soon, i'm in no rush to get it back, i just wanna discuss it with you :D

Peace and love
p.s Today was long
p.p.s rock climbing tomorrow...oh lordy...

Monday, 15 June 2009

I have a billion things to do and all at the same time.

No...that's an exageration but I'm kinda busy *hence my lack of blogging of late :(*
I'm in need of vent-age-ness-ism-stuff :S
So...exams in a matter of days...great... and an audition for my school's music competition. I sooooo badly want to sing in it; I'd love a solo but tbh I just wanna sing *cue dramatic music, "CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME SING??!" and scene, that's a wrap everyone*
I'm in an odd mood. 1000001 people are currently trying to guess the identity of the daft&lovely man who hath claimed mine heart...a tidbit annoying but ahwell. A further 1000001 people have convinced themselves that I'm in lurrrrrrrv with Tommy. Wonderful as he is and all that jazz...we're just friends; I'm sorry to burst your delusions but yeah, I shall never take his second name nor have I any desire to do so.
I'm hopefully going to the beach this weekend for ma friend's B'day party *thank you hattie* I cannae wait, i'm in desperate need of holiday and I wanna salvage as much enjoyment from the sunshine as I can before he goes and removes his hat again. So yeah, exagerations are today's thang for me xD Yousssss cans probs a-guess that I'm tired and yawniful but ahwells, eh?
*It's business, it's business time!!*

Whenever I have a crush, I end up chucking myself in, head first; fast and deep. You know, "look before you leap"? I prefer, "blindfold yourself and hope for the best when you throw yourself in anyways"

Peace and love

Saturday, 13 June 2009


I've just finished reading, "secrets" by Freya North...great book! A tidbit explicit in parts but boundlessly touching :) 'tis a recommended read indeed. Anyway, what I really wanted to tell you was that in the back of the book, past the epilogue, there was a quotation..."We build too many walls and not enough bridges." Sir Isaac Newton I like that quote...rather lovely, don't you think?

Not much to say but I'm meeting up with friends later *yay hurray and hallelujah!!*

Peace and love

Friday, 12 June 2009

Losing can be a good thing

*Runs around wildly yelling like crazy fool she is*
I've lost another 1lb and 10 ounces :D i'm feeling better, hungry but better :D
Along with Jaquie and Robert-dear I guided a prospective english teacher around school. I was so nervous but I reckon it went okay-ly. Robert-dearest-darling and I made a good pair and Jaquie was simply hilarious :) I'm trying ever so hard to overcome nerves in such situations as I am with my fear of heights and water :)

Wowo. that guy i like :) *takes my breath away* I don't wanna bore you too much with all my emotional crud but I think about him a lot and I so want him to feel the same about me.

peace and love

Thursday, 11 June 2009

"Dear shadow..."

These are the lyrics to the song that my group have meen working on in music. 'tis an apolagetic letter to a former-self. Basically, we're telling our younger selves that we're sorry for all that crud which we've caused. This version is original but the edited one which we're going to use is shorter to fit with the music :D
Anyways, I've spoken too much, how about you make up you ow mind on it?

Dear Shadow...
V.1) I remember smiling over nothing at all,
Just silly things I’d share with friends,
And stupid jokes I told.
The, “once upon a times” & fairytales I sought,
Day dreams of a handsome prince,
Compliments this damsel bought.
Ch.) For all I was and what I seem,
From ice-creams to broken dreams,
The innocence that I’ve lost,
I got what I wanted but at what cost?
The superficiality isn’t what I need,
When I look in the mirror, I see the lies I feed.
...and I’m sorry
V.2) Disillusions crushed hope of finding the right way,
Love seemed to lose all importance,
The wrong things that I’d say.
Treading a cold path with such stubborn insistence,
My only care was for myself,
Not life; mere existence.
M8) Please release me from this tarnished cell that I’ve built ,
Wearied thoughts are weighing me down,
Flowers begin to wilt.
From roses and rainbows to all of my strange woes,
Life is lonelier than ever,
And that’s that way it goes.
How can I carry on when I’ve caused so much strife?
The burning hole of it all has ruined my life.

Peace and love

p.s the list is no more. 'tis trivial crap that doesn't deserve a place in my life. I've salvaged everything I need from the reverse of each page and now the list's future belongs with my lighter.
p.p.s ...is it too much to ask that one person in the whole world; just one person, likes me as I like him?
p.p.p.s how come a laugh can be so fleeting but a tear carves its way through you forever?
p.p.p.p.s I dreamt such a lovely thing last night...it was perfect. difficult but perfect *and i'm a cynical thing who doesn't believ in, "perfection"*. it worked and I just wish I hadn't woken up.

Wednesday, 10 June 2009

For The Fecking Record

I am so tired of so many people making jokes about tommy and i. perhaps it was funny when it began...SEVEN MONTHS AGO, however, we're now both simply sick of it. Once upon a time a had a teeny crush on him but he never felt the same. End of. I like someone else. He likes someone else. any questions?
Now, onto the lighter side of life...literally lighter :D I've lost 3 pounds and my bmi is now 20 :D the only downfall from my healthy eating plan is that I now crave anything and everything which contains fat and sugar. But awell. I'm feeing positive about me and my body for the first time in a while and it feels good :D
erm...what else? omgosh...the guy i like *sigh* he's so lovely. like, really lovely. he's...amazing. :)

Peace and love

Tuesday, 9 June 2009


95 guys now inhabit my list. I would only ever consider dating one of them. He's...amazing.

a) no one on the list will evr like me back
b)it's utterly pathetic that i have a list

peace and love

Saturday, 6 June 2009

"Running to..." part five

Hey there...sorry that it's been so long but I've just finished the 5th part and I'm finally pleased with it :) I hope you enjoy reading it!

Chapter 5: Jake

So despite my better judgement, I’ve thrown caution to the wind and wandered off with a stranger. What was I thinking? Was I even thinking at all? I’ve rid myself of caution but my anxiety persists in jumping around my head in the manner of a pesky toddler... like Dylan. For a moment, I allow myself to think again of Dylan, his fluffy corn-coloured hair and round, pudgy face, his inky-blue eyes and sticky hands. He’s always been clever for his age and can, just about, work a knife and fork; however, he continues to shove his hands through his food before trying to hug me. Such is Dylan I guess. I never thought I’d miss having to wash mashed banana and the likes out of my hair.

I reluctantly drag myself back into this Joey-made-disaster which I suppose I have to call my reality. Jake and I wandered over to his apartment; lazily drifting in and out of conversation as we speed-date-style spilled our guts to each other. Favourite film, best read, preference of restaurant, birthday; that sort of thing. I chose to leave out the year of my birthday but as I’d thought, he’s a few years older than me. He’s nineteen. He’s an actor. As I had to remind myself earlier, not all actors are George Clooney or Johnny Depp-type-mega-stars. Jake’s not currently doing anything but he was staying with that friend he mentioned because of an audition in close proximity. We arrived at his apartment about an hour ago. A glance from my watch tells me that I’ve spent most of that time in his bathroom...great; I can virtually hear the clanging sirens in his mind making him aware that he’s just taken a constipated, frizzy-haired-freak to his home. Just to get a couple of things straight though, I’m not constipated and my hair’s not all that frizzy either! Although, when I first arrived, I caught sight of myself in the mirror in the hallway and hurriedly made my excuses to, “powder my nose” because I noticed that my tidy plaits had become unravelled and the grease factor of my hair wasn’t exactly the most appealing thing I’ve ever seen. I made my way into his bathroom, dumped my bag on the floor by the door and tipped my head forwards over the sink. In my rush, I hadn’t bothered to get any shampoo out of Jake’s little cupboard before drenching my hair in tap water. So, with sopping hair dribbling down the back of my neck and leaving teeny sodden footprint-drips across the bathroom tiles, I hunted out some shampoo.

It’s true, what they say about the differences between men and women’s cosmetics. My lavender and rose-petal scented shampoos of times from home seem to me like cherub-crafted items of dainty wonderment plucked from The Garden of Eden; all ribbons and flowers. I’m a tomboy but even I can appreciate some of the finer benefits of being the fairer of the two genders. I finally managed to dig out a half-used bottle of what I think, vaguely resembles shampoo. It’s massive. And grey. Everything about it bellows, “I’m a blokes’ shampoo. For blokes. Who like rugby and man-things like beer and...women and...beards...YARGGH!!”...maybe that last bit was a tad more pirate than over-masculine-man but the sentiment remains the same... So, I’ve lathered up and rinsed out as usual but having failed to uncover any conditioner amongst the modern-caveman’s hoard of belongings; can after can of Lynx, (I haven’t yet discovered what the attraction is between men and Lynx; none of the women I know appreciate that stench but what can you do about it, eh?) shaving gel, moisturiser and razors, I’ve resorted to sitting on the lid of the loo, waiting for my hair to dry whilst smelling like a man from using Jake’s shampoo.

Soon enough, my obligation to be a decent guest and refrain from hiding in the bathroom takes over and so I start on my way downstairs; bag-laden and my damp hair clad in a fresh towel from the airing cupboard. I wander into the living room (after miss-remembering my way and finding myself in the kitchen and cloakroom) to see that Jake’s kicked off his red Converse Allstars, abandoned his coat in the middle of the vinyl-covered floor and is now sprawled on the coal-black leather sofa; engrossed in a re-run of Doctor who?

I slip my shoes off next to his and then join him on the couch. We laugh together as David Tennant leaps erratically around the television screen with excited news of aliens and finding the solution to a grating problem whilst my worries have rambled off home without me. Leaving me to, just for a while, let myself drift away into the television programme, enjoying fighting odd creatures with The Doctor, a million miles away; elsewhere in the universe where my mobile isn’t vibrating every ten minutes with a terrified plea for me to come home, where I don’t have to constantly be thinking about Mrs. Finbury or my family, where I’m not trying to hide my nerves from the kind stranger I just bumped into, where I can just be. Be, without saying or doing anything I don’t want to, purely for the benefit of anyone else.

Jake’s feet and mine are leaning against each other on his foot-stool. Doctor who? Has long since ended and as I’m waiting for the next episode to begin, I amuse myself by playing footsy with Jake. My toes, all bound up in cottony socks jovially bump against his and then he returns the gesture. Once or twice, I can feel his gaze flit across me but not wanting to give off any, “signals” my eyes remain firmly glued to our toes. Childish, I know but it’s refreshing to be hanging out with a guy who is taller than me and has bigger feet. Being five ft. nine inches doesn’t help when everyone you know has already convinced themselves that you’re a secret transsexual.Fabulous. I’ve got size eight feet and although I know that if they were much smaller I’d probably fall over on attempting to walk; I would like to be able to buy dainty flat shoe s which didn’t make me look as though I was preparing to go diving...flippers. Practicality rules over fashion for me anyway though.

Back in the room, I continue nudging Jake’s size twelve’s. As I register this fact, the uncontrollable urge to give into the hysteria bubbling within me takes over. I laugh out loud as I can’t help thinking, “You know what they say about men with big feet”. Don’t make that face at me! Shoes; men with big feet have big shoes...what on Earth did you have going through your dirty, little mind, eh? Mrs Finbury once said that to me. Every week or so, she’d ask me whether I had a boyfriend and then at my constant, “No” she’d recommend that I found myself a boy with size twelve’s. She was the one who’d told me about, “men with big feet” she had a wicked sense of humour for someone of her age!

I’ve always been tall for my age and I’ve towered above any boy that I’ve liked but Jake? He must be well over six feet tall and we look...right, walking together. Calm down Joey or you’ll need a cold shower. You’ve known him for some, seven hours? As I force myself to get a grip I make my way into his kitchen to get myself a drink, forfeiting Jake’s and mine game. I pour myself a glass of water, straight from the tap and savouring the coolness as it pours down my parched throat, I lean against the sink and yawn wearily. Tired mentally, physically and filled with the strongest desire to sleep than I’ve felt in a long time. The remaining water is tipped into the sink, and makes a break for freedom on its way down the plug-hole.

As I walk back into the living room, Jake’s honed in on a re-run of Torchwood. Perhaps it’s a sci-fi special tonight or something. I snuggle back into the leather of the sofa and before I know it, I’m fighting aliens happily with Captain Jack; the best-looking space cowboy I know until he whispers in my ear, “I’d tell you to make yourself at home but it already looks as though you have.” Something warm’s been swathed around my arms and torso and as the cotton makes contact with my chilled skin, I’m aware of my eyelids flitter-fluttering open and closed and Jake wrapping his beloved leather jacket around me. I gaze up at him woozily but don’t realise his head dipping to mine and his lips tenderly gracing my forehead until he’s moved back and begun to leave the room. The echo of his footsteps, as he makes his way up to his bedroom, resonates as one with my heartbeat as I drift into the blissful slumber of a lifetime ago...when things were simple. Why did I meet you, Jake?

Friday, 5 June 2009

It's been a long time.

So maybe five, six days isn't all that long to you but this thing is darn therapeutic and not being able to tell you all the junk that's swelling within is burning me up.
Well, you know that wonderful, lovely guy i like?? ...well i haven't actually admitted that i like this person to many people so you probs don't know but anyway...
I feel really distant from him. yes, i'm aware of how utterly soppy and melodramatic this drivel is, it's just that he never even seems to wanna give me the time of day any more; he might as well have a placard stapled to his face reading, "NOT INTERESTED" whenever he sees me. Yes, there are bigger fish to fry and things to worry about and all that jazz and no, this isn't your problem so you don't have to deal with it but hi-ho, hi-ho; it's off to work we go....and all that jazz.

I think that may infact be my favey phrase right now, "...and all that jazz!"- loving it!!

Anyways, besides my guy dilemma, I'm doing goooooood :D Sorry that there's not been an update on the whole, "running to thingy macdoodle but i've been buried under the side effects of school...homework *ahem* i'll get some more up soon :)
anyways, yeah, things are good; life is happy, sky is for the most part blue and the sun has been shining rather nicely :D ooh, and my hair's shiny :) always a good thing. feeling good about the way i look just makes me feel better about my self in general :)
'tis my mama's birthday tomorrow, i made her a painting :D 'tis of ma monkey, minky, and i think it's pretty good :D

Argh, i've waited so long for this moment but now that it's here, i just don't know what to say.

Peace and love
p.s have you heard, "15 minutes" by the yeah you's ? it's one of those totally mainstream things and i might liken it to something by thw feeling but it's worth a listen. i'm loving the opening line, "I'm staring at the same old crack in the same old wall, I want my life back, I listening to the same old crap that i've heard before, I want my life back.
p.p.s Caaazzzzzzzzzzyyyyyyy and Eloise Rosemary whatsherface have compiled a list of guys who i think are attrctive or who i'm a little in love with *as in admiration and all that jazz* ....70 people so far....yep...
p.p.p.s I really should have just included these post scrips in the main body of the text, shouldn't I? I've just listened to the eurovision winner from this year, a norwegian bloke playing a voilin and singing a song called, "fairytale" the song's pretty good and it's catchy but i didn't think that he sang it all that well to be honest.