Chapter Two; Goodbye
The nest week blurred past me in a haze of tears and funeral arrangements. My deprecatory sullen thoughts were broken only by the chimes of clocks and Mother asking me whether I was alright. I remembered back to the promise which I’d silently made to Mrs Finbury find the rest of my soul. Something was far over due for change, infact, some things .
For more time than I care to think about, my hand hovered apprehensively over the telephone in my hand. I traced gently over the buttons with one finger, finally I committed and dialled the two numbers which I’d meant to call for two years.
I didn’t wait for a reply before continuing,
“I heard you; years ago with Grace. I tried not to care, honestly, I did but you told me lies. Make it right or get out of my life.”
A stunned momentary silence of confusion was followed by Sandra’s questioning tone,
“Joey, what is th-“
I ended the call. I’ve put up with listening to her crap for too long, why should I bother to give her even another minute to insult me? An almost identical call was made to Grace and then I got down to business.
Mum and Dad,
Even calling such affectionate things seems alien. We’re family but if it wasn’t for your blood running through my veins, I wouldn’t believe it. We live in this house together, but how together are we really?? You can try and deny that things aren’t this bad; it’s easy for you to look the other way, engross yourselves in the lives of our neighbours and convince yourselves that you’re good people who simply don’t get time to be good parents. You barely notice me when I’m here. Would you know that I was leaving if it wasn’t for this letter?
Send my love to Dylan.
I stuffed the last of what I wanted into my school rucksack. A change of clothes, my favourite hoody, a bag of sunflower seeds (not exactly the “coolest” of indulgences but munching on them reminds me of when I was a care-free six year old) and my diary; blue beneath the stickers and cinema ticket stubs which now adorned it. Once I’s heaved the bulging rucksack over my shoulders and pulled my plaits from underneath the straps, I walked into the playroom where Dylan sat; king amongst hid teddy bear army.
“Hey you.” I cooed at Dylan as I sat down beside him and then lifted him up onto my lap.
“You’re such a cute kid, don’t change. Whatever happens, remember me and remember I love you.” My whispers floated their way into his little right ear. I breathed in the aroma of his shampoo-fresh hair and shut my eyes as I did so. My lips kissed his fluffy head for the last time as I felt a lone tear trickle from my shut eye.
I wiped my eye and placed Dylan in his cuddly toy kingdom again but I guess he could sense things weren’t quite right. He stretched out his pudgy little arms towards me as I walked out of the room. I turned my back on him. I was halfway down the staircase when I heard his cries. They pierced my heart. Leaving him was killing me but I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t bear to carry on whilst he sat crying though. I turned on my heal and jogged back upstairs and into his room.
“Shush, shh, don’t cry babe, you’ll set me off.”
I gather him once again in my arms.
“Don’t worry kid; I’ll be alright” I hope.
“I’ll come home again someday.” I might be home again someday.
I carried on comforting Dylan for about five minutes, trying to convince myself more than him that I’d be safe through all of this. I carried him down into the living room with all of this teddies and then left him to play in the living room. Mum was busying herself in the garden close by. I wouldn’t leave Dylan completely alone.
I pulled the letter to my mother and father from my pocket and laid it next to the phone. I walked into the hall way and whispered goodbye to the emptiness that surrounded me as I opened the front door and stepped out.