Wednesday, 24 June 2009

Do the conga

how come no one wants to conga when I suggest it? 'tis the best and easiest dance of all and literally a billion people could do it together; what a great show of unit, eh? yet still, no one will conga with me...woe is me...
Just read one master J. A of R's blog and he wrote about his past self and how much he's changed in the past few years. he also invited people to do the here I am, about to open up to a bunch of strangers. oh. my god.
In three years I've dated...five guys....*don't burn me* I won't say that any were mistakes but those of you who know me well will guess who I'd like to forget about.
I've cut myself...more times than I should have...none being the amount that I should have. I used to think that by focusing pain outwardly I could take away the pain from the inside, *BUZZZ WRONG ANSWER* I was a very angry person but I blamed myself and became passive aggressive and depressed. Then I began to talk to people and realised that I wasn't all alone. I wasn't, "misunderstood" and I was pretty much the same as a lot of other people.
I've had my heart broken only a couple of times and I'm still standing.
I spent over a year of my life daydreaming about someone I could never be with because I'm...HOPELESS.
I auditioned for house drama in school. I remember the year seven audition and thinking, "wtheck am I doing here??!" but i stuck it out and i actually got a main part. I loved it and felt so part of something. I did it two other years as well. I love acting. I'm no good at public speaking and some people don't get how I can go on stage and act an utter fool or cry or sream and be fine in front of an audience but that I can't deliver a simple speech. I guess I still find it easier to be someone else.
I moved school in year six and began talking in an american accent. at first it was to kind of create a new, "me" and before I knew it, I couldn't stop. Occasionally, I still slip back into that tonality but for the most part my american twang is dead and buried.
Erm, let's think...what else have I done?? I've argued with and lost a couple of times, people who mean the world to me. I vow not to let it happen again.
I've gave up having boyfriends and managed it for 8 months or so but whatever.

Peace and love


  1. I noticed that you seem to have an American twinge to your voice at times.

    I know what you mean about the house drama/public speaking thing. People say that if you are able to act confidently in front of an audience of people, then you should be able to sing properly in front of an audience of people. Which is not true. Singing freaks me out, because firstly it just doesn't seem natural, and secondly because the people that usually teach singing are corrupt and favouritist *cough* Mrs. Gale *cough*...

  2. haha, i totally agree about mrs gale XD

  3. Btw, in case you can't find the Colours Within, just go onto and click on the tag at the bottom of the newest Colours Within post called 'the colours within' to find all of the chapters, but in reverse order (please do not read them in reverse order because it won't make any sense!)

  4. ah yes the American voice i'd forgotan all about that... lol

    as always your blog is just like a little window into that very intresting mind of yours!

  5. i the only one who doesn't think she has an american accent? hmph.

    *angry pout*